Last Friday, 19th of June I was invited to attend the wedding of Mr Mutasim Osman's nephew. Mr Mutasim is one of my three Sudanese partners. No, it was not Mr Mutasim's new wedding. It was Mr Mutasim's nephew wedding (above photo). Don't hear it wrongly. There is a difference between the word 'new' and 'nephew'. Mr Mutasim is already 50 years old and a happily married man. Nevertheless, if Mr Mutasim was informed that this wedding ceremony is in fact prepared for him by his family in Khartoum, instead of for his nephew, I am pretty sure he will run and run and run as quickly as possible from London where he is currently based to Khartoum, the same way Tom Hanks runs in "Forrest Gump" film. Definitely the 'wedding-magic' would make him reaching Khartoum earlier than even Emirates Airlines which has to stop for a transit at Dubai. This is the magic or the power of a wedding. It can makes everything possible.
Have You Ever Seen A 'Berudu' (Tadpole) Forever A 'Berudu' For 22 Years Without Being A 'katak (Frog)'?
Some of my former MRSM Muar school mates e-mailed to me how shocked they were to see my body looks very prosperous now because the last time they saw me was 22 years ago, in 1987 during SPM. I told them even a 'berudu' (tadpole) takes just eleven weeks to change his body from a 'berudu' to a 'katak' (frog). Have you ever seen a 'berudu' forever a 'berudu' for 22 years without being a 'katak'? So after a long time, I think it is normal that my face now look as charismatic as President General Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono. I surely have done better than a 'berudu', haven't I?
You Prevent a Wedding, You Can Cause the Collapse of a Kingdom!
Shall we start our 'class' today about my experience attending a Sudanese wedding by showing you how sometimes if we try to prevent a wedding, it can even cause the collapse of a Kingdom. I am sure most of us still remember how on 1st June 2001 (slightly more than 8 years ago) the Crown Prince Dipendra of Nepal (above photo) shot himself after killing his parents and seven other royals just because his mother tried to veto his beautiful chosen fiancée, Devyani Rana (below photo) for the wedding.
Narayanhiti Palace became a witness that you should not try to prevent a wedding. By using an assault rifle, Prince Dipendra shot his father (King Birendra), then gunned down his uncle (Prince Dhirendra), as well as Prince Nirajan, Queen Aishwarya and Princess Shruti, before turning the weapon on himself. After this tragedy, the rest were history. Unlike his brother the late King Birendra who was revered by majority of the Nepalese, the new King Gyanendra on the other hand was extremely unpopular and he has made many wrong decisions in policy making that lead Maoist insurgents finally winning power after an election in April 2008 and then abolished the monarchy on 28th May 2008.
Do you see how I have managed to prove my point that preventing a wedding can even lead to the downfall of a 239 years old monarchy?. Not only you cannot found any more KING in Nepal nowadays, but also I can guarantee you Nepal is one of the country where there is no Burger KING Restaurant. Even though I am not a serious person like Mr KING Kong, this time I am not joKING. You can check with Burger King Corporation if you are in doubt.
What About Premarital Relationship Among The Sudanese Youngsters?
On the way to the bride's house, I had a casual discussion with Mr Abdul Jalil Abujjoud, my Sudanese partner who drove me to the wedding's place (bride's house). He said in Sudan generally free and open relationship between young man and girls is prohibited before they get married. In other words, premarital sexual relationship between the young person is not an accepted culture and definitely not a widespread practice here in Sudan. As we all know Islam strictly prohibits committing adultery. Everything should be reserved for the joyous time after both of them officially solemnized as a husband and wife. That's the beauty and thrill of a wedding in Islam. For a practicing Muslim, wedding day is the 'graduation day' or shall I say 'payday' for those who diligently observed abstinence during their premarital years.
What a Contrast Between UK And Sudan
Before I came here for this 3 months attachment, I was living in the UK. Over there as everybody knows you are free to live or cohabitate with your boyfriend or girlfriend without married. You can also make love with anybody that you wish as long as it is a consensual act. There are so many magazines, CD, internet website portals that will give you a kind of 'Dummies Guide To Premarital Sexual Relationship'. I know. I live there . Saturday night is a heavenly night. This phenomenon is even more rampant among the British college and university students. Some of the young boys who engaged in free-sexual activities in the UK are still studying in secondary schools.
Does It Matter How Tall You Are? The Youngest & Shortest Father In The UK
For your information, Britain's youngest known father is Sean Stewart, who was 12 years old at the time his girlfriend Emma Webster gave birth to their son in 1998. The second school boy record holder is Alfie Patten (above photo) who was just 13 years old when his girlfriend Chantelle Stedman (15) delivered birth in February this year. And Alfie, the youngest father is just 4 feet tall. For me it does not matter how tall you are. Even if you are as short as the seven dwarfs or as cute as 'Pakcik Jamal Pendek' but you involved in an unprotected sexual intercourse, chances are your girlfriend may get pregnant (as long as your girl friend is not menopause yet or as old as Queen Elizabeth). As simple as that. The truth is the sperms couldn't care less how tall you are. Well... Alfie is just a 4 feet tall boy, but made no mistake he has at least one 'proven performance'!
The Story of 3 Pack, 6 Pack And 12 Pack of Condoms!
Every good marketing man knows that in order to target the right group of prospective clients, they will have to do market segmentation. So I always joke with my friends that by observing how many packs of condom displayed at Tesco Express store in Manchester I can more or less guess that pack of condom is targeted for which group of consumers.
Let us start with the 3 packs of condoms first. This type of 3 pack of condom is most probably targeted for secondary school lads. Why? One for Friday nite, one for Saturday nite and one for Sunday nite. What about the 6 pack condoms? The answer is easy. Those are for university and college lads whose energy as wild as a horse. Rationale? Two for Friday nite, two for Saturday nite and two for Sunday nite. So, what about the 12 pack of condoms? Well.. that 12 pack is for married man, one for January, one for February, one for March, one for April.....
I guess that's logic. If before getting married they already have engaged in millions of total accumulative credit hours of sexual activity, the thrill surely less and faded after they got married. That's common sense. If everyday you eat Satay or KFC Fried Chicken, one day one time you will reach a stage when just by seeing the silver colour of KFC Colonel Sander's beard is more than enough to make you loose your eating appetite.
On the other hand, a practicing Muslim who has never in his life making love before marriage, surely after the marriage his sexual appetite is like those college and university boys. But my theory is only applicable in the UK case only. I believe married men in Malaysia who practice 'sex after marriage' will definitely not fit for the above "12 packs" category. No..No..No, definitely not once only per month. Don't ask me how do I know. I know'lah'.
Wow! 40,298 Conceptions Among Under 18th Years Old Girls in England!
A person like me always talk based on facts and figures. Let me make my point about this teenage pregnancy issue in the UK by quoting an official statistics from The Office for National Statistics (ONS) and Teenage Pregnancy Unit. According to the ONS, in 2007 alone there were 40,298 Under 18 conceptions in England. This does not include Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales. Look at that! More than fourty thousands pregnancy among under 18th years old. This means more than fourty thousands premarital sexual activities among the young girls in England. And...this is just conceptions alone, what about those who were engaged in premarital sex but their sperms are unfortunately so 'shy' to chase after the eggs, that made conception not possible. Surely more., right?
Can You bite or Taste Every Cake On Display At Starbucks Before You Finally Choosing One?
Not long time ago my British friend, Joe asked me how come a Muslim man like me decided to marry a lady even before knowing fully well as to how she will perform on the bed or in simple language before we even testing her. He certainly cannot accept the concept of marrying a lady whom he has not had any sexual intercourse with at all before the wedding. For him marrying a lady without testing first, is actually taking a big gamble or risk. To live and to make love with only one lady until the rest of his life without really sure how that lady will treat him on the bed is not acceptable to him.
Initially it was very difficult for me to rebut his opinion because he will never accept Quranic verses as the basis of my argument whereas as a Muslim I should base my argument on the Holy Quran. On the first place he never believe in Quran. So I decided to use the 'Starbucks' analogy. I said to him:"Joe, now we are in Starbucks, right? Just now before you decided to chose this particular cake in front of you, among all the Starbucks variety of cakes such as Starbucks Iced Lemon Pound Cake, Marble Loaf Cake, Swirl Coffee Cake, Old Fashion Crumb Cake, Orange Loaf, Banana Coffee Cake and Starbucks Blueberry Coffee Cake, did that Starbucks cashier lady allow you to taste by biting each of the cakes first before you finally settled with just one cake that you are eating now? No, she did not, did she? Did she, Joe?.
"So Joe, if you are very much enjoying your chosen slices of cakes now even until you reach your orgasm, it is not because you were allowed to bite and test every single cake on display first but most probably because you yourself know fully well what type of cake is this, its ingredients and its general characteristics. You will not bite and test every single cake on display before you settling for one, will you?"
"Similarly, I humbly think you do not need to make love or 'bite' every single lady that you know before you can arrive to a decision which particular lady that you will choose to be your wife and mother of your future children, do you?"
However, at the end of the day, as a practicing Muslim this is what I can say to my British friend who believe his 'free-sex' way of life is more lively than a person like me who believe in sex after marriage: "Unto you, your religion, and unto me, my religion" Chapter 109, Verses 6 of the Holy Quran (Surah Al Kafirun, the 6th Ayat). In other words, you do whatever you solemnly believe and I put my trust on whatever I believe. In a way, we agree to disagree.
Okay enough rumbling about sexual before marriage, Let u see what happened on that day itself of the Sudanese wedding of Mr Mutasim's nephew.
What Happened a Day Before Wedding?
Actually a day before the wedding day normally the bride's female family will have a party called a 'Henna'. I was told that a Sudanese woman doesn't regularly wear henna until she gets married. This is when they decorated her hands and feet with henna for the first time. Not only putting henna. They will sing and dance. But I can't visualize how they can put henna at the feet while they are dancing and singing. Anyhow it's an all-girls party, and man like me are not allowed to join . There are various colours of henna such as red or orange but basically Sudanese ladies like to choose shiny and black colour for their wedding. Not only for the bride, the groom also have it put on their hands and feet
The Wedding Tent Is So Comfortable, The Heart of The Visitors Were Filled With 'Feel Good' Aura
I reached the bride's house at around 2:30pm after the Friday prayer time. When we reached the place, there were many guests already sitting on the chairs under the huge canopy. What do you expect? Surely they were sitting ON the chairs. Not UNDER the chairs. Come on..Yes..I foresee some cultural difference between Sudan's wedding and Malaysian wedding but that does not include the way they were sitting.
This huge tent was supplied by the caterer company. I was surprised that although there are at least 400 people sat under the sun, we did not feel hot at all. Usually these two factors (direct sunlight and sitting in a crowd of people) enough to make all of us sweating like sitting in a sauna. Maybe the tent is made from quality materials that can absorb the heat. Furthermore there were two big cool blowers at both sides of the tent blowing cool air inside the tent.
Unlike the Scottish Kilt, The Malay Kilt Allows Its User To Wear Underwear
If you see many photos that I posted here, almost all of them were wearing jalabiah (white long robe) and emma (turban). I was the only one different. Not only I looked different with my so-called oriental face, but also I was the only one wearing my traditional 'Baju Melayu' (Malay traditional costume). The biggest regret was I forgot to bring to Sudan my full set of Baju Melayu attire which includes my 'samping' . 'Samping' is a Malaysian kilt, more or less similar to Scottish kilt. A kilt is a knee-length garment that covers the body from the waist down to just above the knees. Unlike the Scottish who always believe that tradition has it that a "true Scotsman" should wear nothing under his kilt, not even his underwear, we Malaysian are different. I can guarantee you every Malaysian man who wears 'samping' will certainly wear an underwear under his 'samping'. If you ever found any Malaysian man wearing a 'samping' without any underwear, please report to me. I will declare him a a sex-lunatic.
Women were sitting inside the other tent and some of them inside the house. There was indeed a 'feel good' feeling that time. Everybody was seen chatting and smiling. Even the reflection of the colour of the pink coloured tent above their head made everybody looks pink in colour as you can see in the photo. That's why two of the photos here are pink in colour. This has nothing to do with the quality of the photos that I have taken. The pink colour is a reflection from the colour of the tent. The feeling was indescribable. I was told by Mr Abdul Jalil that almost all who attended the wedding reception that day were family members either from the bride or the bridegroom sides which means it just involve two big clans.
Wedding Meal Pack, Better Than Emirates Airways
After sitting for about half an hour, the caterer started to distribute pack of food to all the guests. When I opened it, the meal consisted of several dishes. Maybe the above photo does not really shows there were different sorts of dishes inside the meal pack. Some of the dishes were underneath the bread and some already safely landed in one portion of my tummy. The meal pack is certainly better than the one that Emirates Airways or Qatar Airlines serve you on their flight. Inside it you can find a stick of frilled kebab meat, a roasted chicken's breast, a bun of bread complete with butter, a pastry, a nan bread, a mini pizza and at least three more Sudanese dishes which I do not know what to call. There was a second pack that contains fruits such as grapes, apple and banana. Eating the food certainly made my stomach full. It is very easy for me to know whether the food is considered sufficient for the guests or not. If it can fill the diesel tank-size of my tummy, the portions given to the guests surely can be considered as generous.
Language and Malay-Face Sudanese
The problem with me that day was communication. I can only talk with Mr Abdul Jalil. The rest of the people sitting on my table hardly know any English words. They were friendly and I could see they tried to start a conversation with me but the language was the hurdle. You see...how friendly a chicken is, if the chicken can't speak the language of a tiger this chicken surely cannot invite the tiger for a discussion and a cup of tea.
When I looked around me. I was surprised to notice some the Sudanese men also look like the Malays in term of their face-design. However the moment they take off their white skullcaps ('kupiah') which shows their North African Arab unique curly hair, all the so-called Malay's face resemblance totally gone and you know these men are not the Malays from Teluk Intan, Benut or Mengabang Pok Jin.
What? Even the Bridegroom Was Not There To Solemnize His Own Wedding?
After enjoying a very delicious dishes, then the time everybody was waiting for finally arrived. The Marriage Registrar has arrived at the tent. He is indeed a sweet-looking old man. He was the centre of attraction. Unlike in Malaysia where the marriage solemnization is done between the Marriage Registrar ('Jurunikah') and the bridegroom himself, in Sudan the solemnization or wedding wow is done between the most senior person from the groom family and the most senior family member of the bride's family. This means the groom was not there. He did not attend his own wedding solemnization ceremony!
I was wondering what if some of the old man 'hijacked' the solemnization proceeding and instead of marrying the intended bridegroom, he decided to marry himself to the girl. Its difficult but still possible. Out of sudden the pretty bride got a disgusting old man as her husband purely on technical reason. For the old man, he will not give a damn whether it was on technical or non-technical ground. For me, this is strange because normally in Malaysia the groom will definitely present to recite the official wedding wow and perform the marriage acceptance himself. Mr Abdul Jalil told me in Sudan both sides are represented by the most senior member of the family according to the seniority guidelines prescribed by the Islamic rules.
No Matter How Good Kassim Selamat Plays Sudanese Musical Instruments He Can Never Persuade A Sudanese 'Sabariah' To Marry Him! Why?
The bride was represented by her father and the groom was represented by the most senior member of the family sitting in front of the Marriage Registrar under the huge tent surrounded by all the jalabiah wearing guests.This means it will be highly unlikely in Sudan any marriage can be solemnized without the blessing of the family from both sides.
So our dear friend Kassim Selamat whom in the Malay movie entitled 'Ibu Mertuaku' (My Mother In Law) married his lover Sabariah without the blessing of the bride's mother (Nyonya Mansor) had clearly no chance to marry a Sudanese lady without the blessing of his future in laws family. No matter how good he can play Sudanese musical instruments he can never persuade a Sudanese 'Sabariah' to marry him! Ala Kassim..
I can't describe my feeling that time, The situation was full of happiness. The tent was very comfortable. Indeed the tent was also 'smiling'. Everybody was smiling either through their facial expression or at least smiling inside their heart.
Can Marry Four Times? So All The Men Said: "Ya Be Da Be Duuuu"
The Nikah Registrar started the wedding solemnization by giving his 'Khutbah Nikah' (advice on the beauty of Islamic marriage). Although I did not understand what he was talking about, during certain part of his speech I saw all the guests who sat around the Nikah Registrar under the huge tent and also the representatives of the bride and representatives of the groom laughed and smiled broadly. I asked Mr Abdul Jalil why they were all laughing. He told me it was because the Nikah Registrar explained that in Islam you can have four wives but if you unable to be fair to all of them, then Allah asked you just to marry only one woman. Hmm...men being men, all over the world are the same. When comes to marry more than one, they were all very excited. Similar to the excitement of a 5 years old girl who just got her first Barbie doll or a 5 years old boy who just received his Power Rangers toy!. Yes, I can see their excitement.
The Imam prayed: "O Lord! May All The Divorcees And Ugly Women Taste The Juicy Of Marriage"
After the official wedding solemnization recited by both representatives of the bride and the groom, it is official that the bride and the bridegroom now a husband and wife. Everybody express their happiness by saying 'Alhamdullillah' (praise to the lord). Then finally the Nikah Registrar recited a doa (a prayer). Since they recited the prayer in their mother tongue language (Arabic) they certainly know fully well what they were talking in the doa. In the middle of the doa everybody was smiling. So after the Nikah Registrar finished his doa, I again asked Mr Abdul Jalil why just now they were all smiling. Mr Abdul Jalil told me in the doa just now the Nikah Registrar did mention something like this: "O Lord, please also grant the ugly women and the divorced woman in our community to marry so that they can taste the beauty of marriage". You see, this Nikah Registrar wanted everybody to taste the juicy of marriage, But....maybe he has got a hidden agenda here. Maybe this is a diplomatic way for him to invite the woman to be his second, third or fourth wife, who knows? Remember this nice old man, the flamboyant Nikah Registrar can also marry four. Similar to a surgeon who cannot operate himself, this Nikah Registrar also cannot solemnize his own marriage, but he can do the 'marketing' of himself!
Marriage Is A Knot That Ties Two Families, So What About The Corleone Family And Barzini Family In "Godfather" Film?
After the official solemnization was officially over with the doa, almost everybody automatically line up to shake hand with the father of the bride and father of the groom to convey their congratulations. Now, not only the two souls are tied in a marriage knot, but also the two clans or the two families become a one big family. Wow? When talk about 'family-family' I felt like I was in scene of a Godfather movie that time. So... in Sudan marriage is indeed a knot that ties the two families. This reminded me of my favourite movie "The Godfather" which stress on the important of unity among the family members, 'Never Go Against The Family". Tying two families huh? Is it like the Corleone family and the Barzini family make a peace through marriage. I am sure my brother, Michael Corleone (above photo) would say: "Only in your dream, Don Khairuleone! Didn't our father Vito Corleone already reminded us anybody sided with Barzini is a traitor? ". If I have my way, I wish I wanted to let all the guests listen to that classic Godfather's soundtrack theme song and melody through their p.a system with a mixer, amplifier and loudspeakers
What Happen Next?
After that, outside the big main tent there was a stage performance by four nicely dressed gentlemen (above photo) who sang various nasyid songs (Islamic oriented songs). It is like their Sudanes El Divo group. In one glance, their costume looked like the Malaysian nasyid group Rabbani or Raihan. With a good electronic amplification sound system, the singer sang a very nice song. and the music is thrilling.. Everybody was very happy. Song after song was sung by that good singer. From what I was told the lyrics actually praising the Lord and they were all expressing their happpiness that the marrige has finally been concluded and now the bride and the groom can live happily as a husband and wife, making love through the halal way!
A 85 Years Old Man Dance To The Tune Of The Nasyeed. All In the Name of Expressing Happiness!
As you can see at the above photo, that handsome and macho man shown in the above photo is the oldest person in the family. Somebody brought him in front of the stage and yes they all danced happily with this old man. That old man, nearly 85 years old, danced passionately with the help of somebody who were holding his right and left hand while he was dancing. You know what, in my heart I said to myself: "Slow down uncle. Slow down..You are no more young. You are not Sudanese Michael Jackson. Slow down". But it seems almost everybody else followed him to dance by shaking their body and hold their both hands straight up on the air and twisted their thumb and and forefingers together and yelled "Apshir! Apshir! Apshir"
Was It 'Sudan Got Talent' Or What?
Imagine all men in white jalabiah (long robe) and emma (turban) danced to celebrate a halal relationship via marriage (above photo), as if you were seeing a stage show by participants of 'Sudan Got Talent' or 'British Got Talent' competition. What a day! I really enjoy the occasion. One song after one song. Since this huge crowd was basically consist of members of the two families, (the bride and groom families), you can see the strong bondage among them. These were the people who can say without a doubt the famous quote: "You mess with me, you mess with my family".
The 'Pelamin' & Memory Tunnel
They danced and danced until Asar prayer time. Then they stopped for a while. After the Isyak prayer at around 9pm, that was the first time the groom and his bride appeared in public together and walked to their wedding stage (or 'pelamin' in Malay). It is a very nice 'pelamin' (above photo). When a married man like me saw the 'pelamin', automatically we would remember the sheer joy, happiness and the beauty of our own wedding last time. The memory tunnel would travel back to our own wedding day.
Celebration Over The Success of Observing Abstinence
When the bride and groom reached the wedding stage and sat on the special chairs, almost everybody wanted to take photo with the newlywed couple. And the Arabic music filled the air again. Its sheer joy.
People dance in happiness (above photo). Song after song were sung live by the singer opposite the wedding stage. I can't describe to you the happiness atmosphere that night. The men sat on one side of the stage and on the side there were the ladies. In the middle, there were the bride and her groom dancing with their members of the family with almost everybody hold up their hands up on the air with the thumb and forefinger twisted together to express their great joy . They celebrated because finally both the groom and the bride have managed to observe their abstinence and today they finally got the green light to make love and started their life as a husband and wife.
So Children That Night Learned The Beauty And Joy Of Islamic Wedding
You can see at above photo they danced happily but still observing the Muslim rule. Men were sitting at one side and women were placed on the other side. Children certainly the happiest species that night.
The above photo is the photo of two cute daughters of my Sudanese partner (Mr Abdul Jalil's daughters). Initially I felt funny to see people in long robe (jalabia) and emma (turban) moved their body, holding up their hands with the thumb and forefingers twisted together. But what's wrong to show genuine happiness? Especially if the lyrics praising God for the beauty of following the halal way of Islamic wedding process. The grandeur of the wedding will certainly encourage all the children who were present to be patient when they grow up later and observe strictly their abstinence so that they also will be given the same grandeur wedding reception like that memorable night.
Jeng...Jeng...Jeng. What's Next? Tonight Itself They Will Go To The Hotel?
At nearly 10:45pm the wedding night ceremony was over. So I innocently asked Mr Abdul Jalil: "What's next, brother?", He said: "You asked me what's next? Both the bride and the bridegroom will go to the hotel and stay in the hotel usually for seven days or five days to celebrate their first week as a husband and wife." I was so surprised and I asked him further:"What? Are you saying tonight itself they will start staying overnight in the hotel like a honeymoon?" Mr Jalil answered: "Why not? They are now husband and wife, so why not?"
In Sudan, First Night Is In The Hotel, Not At Bride's House!
Wow! This was news to me. In Malaysia, the first night normally will be spent at the bride's house and the so-called honeymoon will only take place usually at least one or two weeks after the wedding day to enable the newlywed couple enough times to pay a visit to all the relatives of both side first. But in general it is a normal tradition in Sudan for the newlywed couple to stay even the very first night of their marriage in the hotel. Of course the hotel bookings have been done much earlier before this.
In Malaysia, If You Rush To Hotel For First Night, You Are 'Gelojoh Man of the Year'
If in Malaysia the newlywed couple ever dares to spend their first night together in the hotel and leave the house of the bride that soon, I think everybody will say the bridegroom is so impatient or 'gelojoh'. Maybe somebody may say the bridegroom is the descendant of Rasputin (the Russian sex legend during the last Russian Tsar era)
But lets us pause for a second, before we dare to accuse our Sudanese friends of impatience or 'gelojoh', lets take a very deep breath.
After doing a soul-searching session for 3 minutes just now, I think I favour the Sudanese way. Not because I was bribed by them with such a nice variety of food and their pure friendliness but I personally think it is indeed a good idea for the Malaysian newlywed couple to spend their time in the hotel right from the first night of their wedding day like the Sudanese culture.
Being a very innocently curious man, I asked Mr Abdul Jalil very openly why should they spent their first night in the hotel. Mr Abdul Jalil stared at me as if I am a 5 years old PASTI kindergarten kid who asked his elder brother to enlighten him.
However he still explained to me one by one the rationale behind this culture. In conclusion it is for the benefit of everybody. Let us see why he said like that.
Make Sure The Bellboy Of The Hotel Is Not 'Peeping Tom Of The Year" Award Winner
Let me put this way. If you stay in a hotel starting from the first night of your wedding day until the seventh or sixth day, instead of at the bride's family house like all the Malays always do, surely the newlywed couple enjoys an absolute degree of privacy except if the bell boy of the hotel that you are staying just became the "Peeping Tom of the Year" Award Winner! Or else, nobody will disturb you.
The Newlywed Wants To Sleep Early, The Relatives Want To Chat Late, So How?
Another good thing for spending first night in the hotel has got something to do with the bride's relatives who normally would stay overnight at bride's house. The relatives who are staying overnight at the bride's house also have more freedom to do anything they wish without fearing they may disturb the newlywed couple who of course want to go bed as early as possible. If not, during your first night, these bunch of relatives maybe want to have a nice discussion among themselves till mid-night after not meeting each other for a long time, but on the other hand you really wish all of them drop-dead sleeping as soundly as possible so that you can spend the first night with your newly-married wife comfortably in the bride's room.
You Can Do a 'Zorro' or 'Tarzan' or 'Apache Warrior" Inside a Hotel Room
In the hotel room nobody can disturb you and your newly-married wife. The room are normally very sound proof too. The bridegroom can jump like 'Zorro' or can swings here and there like 'Tarzan' inside the hotel room or if he wants to run here and there very happily and crazily like an Apache warrior, who cares? Nobody will be annoyed. Try to do that same thing when you spend the first night at your parents-in law house? I think the moment they hear you scream like an Apache warrior in the middle of your first night, both of your parents in law will have a heart attack. Plain and simple
What About Singing "Hum Tum Ek Kamre Main Band Ho" Like In a Bobby Film?
Perhaps you and your wife want to sing a song inside the hotel room first like Dimple Kapadia and Rishi Kapoor in the 1973 Hindi film "Bobby". Remember the hotel room scene when out of sudden they found themselves locked and trapped inside the hotel room? In a hotel room which is sound-proof you definitely can sing like Rishi Kapoor the song 'Hum Tum Ek Kamre Main Band Ho' (To watch, please copy this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2Pf1HcdaXI and then paste). Can you do that if you spend your first night at your parents in law house? Surely you can't.
Even Siti Nurhaliza Did Not Sing Inside Her Room During First Night, BUT if Malay Culture Allows The First Night Held In a Sound Proof Hotel, Datuk 'K Will Sing!
Excuse me, even our famous singer, Siti Nurhaliza did not sing any song when she was in the room at her house during her first night with Datuk K (not me 'Khairul', but 'K is Datuk Khalid). Let say our Malay culture long time ago already adopted the practice of newlywed couple to spend even from the first night of the wedding at hotel without being labelled as 'gelojoh' or impatient, I am sure Datuk Khalid will go to the most sound proof hotel room so that he could sing loudly R.Azmi's old song "Hooray! Hooray! BergUmbiraa..Aha..Ahaa" during his first night with Siti Nurhaliza or he might sing the song 'Bila Hati gUmbira Tepuk Tangan' (When you are happy please clap your hand)!
Malaysian Village House Is Not Sound-Proof, So I Whisper..
Generally speaking, Malaysian typical house in the village is not fully made from bricks and walls. Some part of it maybe made from quality woods. But how nice and how quality the wood is, normally it is not 100% sound proof. I still can remember clearly during my first night with my beloved wife, I have to whisper to her to communicate. Oh yes..in a way it was indeed very romantic but my point here is if even for talking we have to whisper, there was no way on earth I can act like an Apache warrior or Zorro, or Rishi Kapoor in Bobby film, let alone Tarzan. The way I see it as if both of us that night were staying inside a Japanese War Prison and we simply did not want the people outside our room i.e the Japanese Prison guards to hear anything that we intimately talked between us.
If You Can Hear Them, They Can Also Heaaaar Youuuuu
And the scary part is what if you want to clear your throat during that first night by saying "ehem", and out of sudden you get an uninvited respond from outside your room another "ehem" maybe from your brother in law or you relatives who are sleeping in the same house. If you can hear them, this simply means they can also heaaaar youuuuu. Isn't that scary? On that basis this Sudanese culture of spending from the very first night until normally the seventh night in the hotel really makes a lot of sense.
Very Embarassing Effect of "Total Infibulation"
Last but not least, Mr Abdul Jalil with his extraordinary seriousness explained to me that spending time in hotel can save everybody from embarrassment caused by a very sensitive reason, which is something to do with the the effect of illegal practice of certain type of "clitoridectomy" (female circumcision). Unlike the normal female circumcision allowed by Islam, the illegal female-circumcision involves the type of circumcision called "total infibulation" which is the most severe type of 'Female Genital Mutilation'.
Learn Something New Today From "Pak Bidan Khairul"
"Total Infibulation" is the practice of surgical closure of the female labia majora by sewing them together to seal off the female genitalia, leaving only a small hole for the passage of urine and menstrual blood.
Please... I don't mean to talk dirty. Do not be silly. We are learning some new facts today from 'Pak Bidan Khairul' (Midwife Khairul). These are all medical facts. The key word here is "sewn back together to create just a very small opening". I was told by Mr Jalil that this severe type of female circumcision is originated from Egyptian ancient culture and the government of Sudan publicly opposes this total infibulation. Although today there is no law against it, Sudan is the first country in Africa to have a record of legislating against it. I can spend another one hour explaining the chronology of the Penal Code with regards to this severe 'Female Genital Mutilation' practice, but mind you this Professor Khairul got some other better things to do than continue lecturing in details about the female private parts. I touch this sensitive issue purely to make a very scientific-based explanation as to why normally the Sudanese newlywed couple spending their very first night of the wedding day in the hotel, instead of at the bride's house.
When Mr Abdul Jalil told me that he explained all this matters to me based on reality and scientific point of view, this man was not talking dirty to me. Even though that particular type of circumcision is considered illegal, there are still some people practicing it. So can you imagine if long time ago when the bride was just an innocent small girl she was subjected to this type of female circumcision, she will surely feel the great pain, and maybe she will cry loudly during her first night with his husband.
But please take note just now I said 'IF' but of course NOT all the brides in Sudan have their vagina partly sewn by the midwife when they were just a small girls. NOT all...By the way can you imagine the big embarrassment it will cause if the newlywed couple spent their first night together at the bride's house? Not only our hero or 'Zorro' (newlywed husband) will be embarrassed, even the parents also will be embarrassed because people who can hear the bride's screaming will now know there is a possibility that the family of the bride last time practice this illegal severe type of circumcision by sewing the female genitalia when their daughter was very small. The wedding day should be the happiest day. Crying loudly for whatever reason surely is not the way to express happiness.
Much Easier To Penetrate Guantanamo Bay Camp Security Now, Than To Enter The Paradise of a Sudanese Lady!
Throughout his explanation, I just listen innocently like a PASTI kindergarten kid. Shortly after Mr Abdul Jalil finished explaining this matter at great length, here come my response which I 'selamba-rock' told Mr Abdul Jalil:
"Brother, after listening to your story regarding "Total Infibulation" which involves sewing part of the female genitalia, I now honestly think it is much easier to penetrate the security at Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp, than to 'enter' the paradise of a Sudanese lady!"