In 1994, nearly 20 years ago, I (Khairul Hisham Hassan) graduated from The University of Sheffield in the UK with a Bachelor of Laws degree or LLB. And one of my core subjects was International Law.
Hence, together with my 3 Jakarta friends who come from Indonesian legal background and who graduated 15 years ago from Fakultas Hukum of Universitas Trisakti in Jakarta, I have set-up an international consulting firm in Jakarta which provides 'Consultancy on Doing Business in Jakarta' comprehensive services. Currently, most of our clients are Malaysian companies and factories which set-up their PT PMA branch company or Representative Office in Jakarta. These companies were referred to us by Matrade in Jakarta which is part of the Embassy of Malaysia in Jakarta.



.

.


On 28 January 2015, less than 3 months from now I will be 45 years old. By the way, my eldest daughter is now 19 years old. She is currently studying at International Islamic University (UIA) Malaysia. And my third child is a 10 years old son. Alhamdulillah after a gap of 10 years, my wife who is already 43 years old delivered our fourth child on 24 September 2014 (Photo Above). Well...I do not call myself 'The Descendant of Majapahit Palace Warrior' for nothing, right...? :-) Syukur Alhamdulillah my wife has a smooth and safe delivery. Actually I have told my wife that if our newborn child is a baby girl I will name her 'Intan Nur Iriana'. The meaning of Iriana in Greek is 'peace'. Iriana is also the name of the wife of new Indonesian President Joko Widodo. However, it is our destiny to have another son, not daughter. Hence, I name my newborn son 'Mehmed Al Fateh Bin Khairul Hisham'. Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh is the Muslim Chalip whom at the age of 21 conquered Constantinople which is the modern-day Istanbul. He also brought Islam to Bosnia, Albania and Southern Europe. It is said that Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh has never failed to perform Solat Tahajjud every single night throughout his life from the age of puberty (akil baligh) until the day he died on 3rd of May 1481. It is my wish and also my wife's wish that our son, Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham will be a brave and pious Muslim like Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh and will never fail to perform Solat Tahajjud each and every night. Amin Ya Allah.



.

.

These are my two beloved daughters: (Left) Intan Nur Farhana Khairul Hisham. She is my 19 years old eldest child. She is the one who is now studying at International Islamic University (UIA) Malaysia. (Right) Intan Nur Qistina Khairul Hisham. She is 17 years old and studying at an Islamic boarding school in Kelantan, Malaysia. Yes, both are my lovely princesses! Or shall I say my Javanese and Kelantanese princesses because I am a Javanese warrior and their mother is a Kelantanese lady! I have 3 kids. Apart from two daughters, I also have two sons. Their name are Mahathir Khatami Khairul Hisham who is now 10 years old and Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham who was born one month ago on 23 September 2014.




Kepada Teman-Teman Sekalian Di Mana Jua Pun Anda Berada: Saya Ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri Dan Salam Lebaran Minal Aidin Wal Faizin. Saya (Khairul Hisham Bin Hassan) Adalah Seorang Manusia Yang Banyak Kelemahan. Maka Sempena Hari Raya Aidil Fitri Yang Mulia Ini Saya Memohon Agar Anda Bisa Memaafkan Saya Jika Selama Ini Ada Bicara Saya Yang Menyalakan Api Kemarahan Anda, Jika Ada Perbuatan Saya Yang Menimbulkan Kebencian Anda, Jika Ada Tulisan Saya Yang Menyinggung Perasaan Anda, Jika Ada Akhlak Saya Yang Berbau Keangkuhan Dan Jika Ada Jenaka Saya Yang Berlebihan. Sesungguhnya Suatu Hari Nanti Pasti Akan Tiba Jua Saatnya Saya Akan Bersendirian Di Dalam Liang Lahad. Dan Semoga Pada Hari Apabila Jenazah Saya Diturunkan Ke Liang Lahad Itu, Tiadalah Dosa Sesama Manusia Di Antara Saya Dan Anda. Amen..
.









The above photo was taken by my wife near our rented house when both of us lived in Sheffield, north of England 20 years ago. I publish this photo here in my blog just to share my sweet memory with my dear blog readers only. Not to show-off whatsoever. That time I was doing my law degree at The University of Sheffield. It's Winter 1993. Being newly married I just wanted to impress my wife with some steps of my Pencak Silat during the snowfall. Maybe, just maybe, I was the first Malaysian man to perform Pencak Silat (an Indonesian and Malaysian martial art) during heavy snowfall in Sheffield. Well...I do not think Hang Jebat or Hang Tuah dares to perform Pencak Silat during -5 degree Celsius snowfall just by wearing their thin Baju Melayu. Yes, no doubt that Hang Jebat was a brave and hot-tempered man. Yes, he was also the only Malay who was not afraid to tell the cruel Sultan of Malacca more than 500 years ago: "Wahai Sultan Yang Zalim, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry". But I am sure this -5 Celsius degree snowfall will melt whatever spirit left in this great 'Incredible Hulk of Ancient Malacca Kingdom' who loved to run amok here and run amok there.


And...what about Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat? (For your information,
Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat was a Majapahit Palace Warrior who failed to assassinate Hang Tuah. He was also a hot-tempered Majapahit Prince with a significant high blood pressure problem who could not accept any slightest criticism on his style of leadership. His sister by the name of 'Gusti Putri Retno Dumillah' eventually became the legendary 'Puteri Gunung Ledang'. Legend has it that even after 500 years, Gusti Putri Retno Dumillah is still residing at Gunung Ledang in Malaysia although the Malaysian Immigration Department has never granted her any Expatriate Visa, Permanent Residency or even Spouse Visa). I guess Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat would easily win 'Mr Bean Of The Year Award' if he did perform his Pencak Silat here in Sheffield just by wearing his traditional shirtless Majapahit warrior's costume. But one thing for sure..., no matter how sakti this Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat was, the -5 degree Celsius temperature would make him shivering non-stop to the extent that the English people would think this shirtless Majapahit Palace Warrior was high on drugs or narkoba while performing his Javanese Pencak Silat!










Who's that guy in the above photo snapped by my wife during Winter 1993 when we lived in Sheffield? Is he Dicky Zulkarnaen The Indonesian Famous Actor? Wrong. Is he Si Pitung Macan Betawi? Nope. He is just 'Si Khairul Kucing Malaysia'! A blast from the past. Look at the background of the photo. Oh! I love living in England. For me, the Victorian style houses in England make it so picturesque. It's a romantic place to live especially in the northern part of England like Sheffield which is near the lake districts. That Winter 1993 was the most memorable winter because I just married in that year. So that Winter 1993 was the first Winter that I had a halal companion sleeping next to me, as husband and wife during long cold night. My wife said I was her 'Natural Winter Heater' that kept her warm and comfortable throughout very cold -5 degree Celsius Winter night.


Sekadar menggamit secebis kenangan lalu saja nih. Hmmm...selagi dinamakan manusia, kita nggak akan bisa melupakan kenangan lalu.
Pasti nggak akan bisa. Nggak seperti komputer yang kapan-kapan saja bisa di delete memory dalam CPU. Maka, apabila kenangan lalu tiba-tiba datang menjelma dan mampir di Inbox pikiran kita, tanpa kita minta, tanpa kita undang, tanpa kemahuan kita, sama ada kenangan itu kenangan yang manis ataupun kenangan yang amat menyedihkan dan sadis, sebagai seorang Muslim mari kita redha dengan Qada dan Qadar yang Allah telah tentukan untuk kita.
Seperti kata teman saya dari Surabaya yang ganteng, Bapak Firman Hadi Sukma Pratama (Pakar Kuasa Pikiran Bawah Sadar dan Founder Wahana Sejati): "Iya, nikmati ajalah..."


JUST MY SPECIAL NOTE: Mari kita tenang-tenang aja karena sebagaimana Allah bisa menjadikan apa pun untuk hal-hal yang sudah pun berlaku, maka sesungguhnya Allah juga bisa mentakdirkan apa pun untuk hal-hal yang akan datang walaupun kelihatannya mustahil untuk berlaku jika menurut logika akal. Bukankah dalam Surah Al Maidah Ayat 40, Allah berfirman: "Dan Allah Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu".









PHOTO: THESE BAMBOO TREES FORM A MIND-SOOTHING PANORAMIC VIEW AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN AT DESA KERTARAHAYU. I SPEND EVERY WEEKEND AT THIS PONDOK PESANTREN; LEARNING TAFSIR AL QURAN, CONDUCTING MY FREE ENGLISH CLASS TO 'SANTRI & SANTRIWATI' AND MAKING A CONTINUOUS EFFORT TO BE A HAFIZ AL QURAN BEFORE I DIE. AMEN YA ALLAH...


No doubt I love every single minute running my own consultancy business from Monday to Friday at my Jakarta office located not far from the Embassy of Malaysia. BUT for me, the most beautiful thing about living in Jakarta is being able to spend my time every weekend at a Pondok Pesantren Tahfiz Al Quran at Desa Kertarahayu in Kecamatan Setu. This Islamic traditional learning place is located at a panoramic remote village which is a two-hour drive from Jakarta. This is my Paradise. This is my 'Heaven on Earth'. The Pondok Pesantren is located in the middle of a green aromatic ginger and sesame farm, surrounded by paddy fields and green hills. During my weekend stay at this Pondok Pesantren, I diligently learn in-depth about Tajwid and Tafsir Al Quran directly from a charismatic ulama by the name of Pak Kiyai Sarno who is very religious and very well-versed in Ilmu Fiqih, Tafsir Al Quran and Ilmu Hadith. Every single of his explanation is substantiated by the relevant verses in Al Quran and Hadith Sahih.









PHOTO: THREE BEAUTIFUL MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF PONDOK PESANTREN AT DESA KERTARAHAYU WHO WON THE “MUSABAQAH TAHFIZ AL QURAN SE-JABODETABEK" RECENTLY. THEY ARE ISTIQOMAH IRSYADIAH (LEFT) AND AMATULLAH ASSAATIRAH (YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF PAK KIYAI SARNO)


Pak Kiyai Sarno is a Hafiz who has memorized 30 Juz of Al Quran and could recite the Al Quran verses from memory. His wife (Ibu Rachmah Julaeha) is also a Hafizah. And the 3 sons of Pak Kiyai Sarno are Hafiz Al Quran too. They are Mas Salahuddin, Mas Muhammad Al Fateh and Mas Mujahid. By the way, Mas Salahuddin and Mas Muhammad Al Fateh are now studying at Al Azhar in Egypt while Mas Mujahid is assisting Pak Kiyai Sarno to run his Pondok Pesantren. But Pak Kiyai Sarno plans to send Mas Mujahid to further his study in Sudan in 3 years time. Pak Kiyai Sarno's 10 years old beautiful youngest daughter (Amatullah Assaatirah) so far has managed to memorize 10 Juz of Al Quran.


Actually this is not so much about how many verses, chapters or Juz of Al Quran that a Muslim has managed to memorize. Having said that, it is indeed a proven fact that in order to succesfully memorize all 6,666 verses or 30 Juz of Al Quran, a Hafiz needs to observe his behaviour, akhlak and ibadah strictly based on Islamic rules and regulations. They must also lower their gaze. It is extremely unlikely that a person can eventually be a Hafiz or Hafizah if he or she is not humble. And for a Hafiz or Hafizah, patience is definitely a virtue. They also need to ensure that they do not use their mouth to talk bad about others or insult other human-beings or cause hatred among human-beings. These underlying principles which actually have shaped a Hafiz or Hafizah's behaviour or akhlak to be a very well behaved human-being or 'manusia berakhlak mulia' that makes our Planet Earth a better place to live. Since they have to put in practice in their daily life all the life principles outlined in the Al Quran verses that they have memorized, they ultimately become 'Al Quran Bergerak' or 'The Moving Al Quran'
.









PHOTO: THIS IS THE VILLAGE ROAD OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER WALL OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN. FOR ME, THIS IS THE ROAD TO MY 'HEAVEN ON EARTH'. FRIDAY EVENING IS MY BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK BECAUSE EVERY FRIDAY EVENING I WILL TRAVEL TO DESA KERTARAHAYU TO SPEND MY WEEKEND AT THE PONDOK PESANTREN.
FROM MY OFFICE, IT TAKES ABOUT 2 OR 3 HOURS TO REACH THERE. I CAN'T DESCRIBE TO YOU THE NATURAL SENSE OF HAPPINESS IN MY HEART WHEN I SEE THE ENTRANCE GATE OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN, THE PADDY-FIELDS NEARBY AND ALSO THE VERY MOMENT I SEE HIJAB-CLAD MUSLIMAH STROLLING AROUND THE PONDOK PESANTREN AREA. AND USUALLY 10 TO 15 MINUTES AFTER I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE PONDOK, THE MUSLIMAH OR HAFIZAH WILL SERVE ME DELICIOUS INDONESIAN VILLAGE DISHES. OH DEAR! I LOVE THE 'SUASANA AL QURAN' AT THIS PONDOK. I LOVE THE HEAVENLY BEHAVIOUR OF THE PEOPLE AT THIS PONDOK. I LOVE THE VILLAGE FOOD SERVED TO ME AT THIS PONDOK. WHAT CAN I SAY...I SIMPLY FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS PONDOK PESANTREN!


The truth is I am already 43 years old. So, I asked Pak Kiyai Sarno whether it is too old for me to start memorizing all 30 Juz of Al Quran, slowly but surely, during my weekend stay at this Pondok Pesantren and Insya-Allah eventually become a Hafiz Al Quran. Pak Kiyai Sarno answered that no, it is not too old because he has seen a 50 years old man successfully memorizing the whole 30 Juz of Al Quran and became a Hafiz at that later stage of his life. This true story really inspires me. Yes, Monday to Friday I am an International Law Consultant who run my own consultancy business at the heart of Jakarta City Centre but that does not stop me to start learning to become a Hafiz Al Quran during my weekend rendezvous at this Pondok Pesantren. I told Pak Kiyai Sarno that no matter how challenging it will be and no matter how long it will take to become a Hafiz Al Quran, I will persevere and I will istiqomah because I want to die not just as a businessman. In fact I want to die as a Hafiz Al Quran. Yes, I do. This is despite the fact that I come from British law education background and not from Islamic studies background. Indeed this is my new personal ambition. Amen Ya Allah... By the way, to read the 12 benefits and prerogatives of being a Hafiz Al Quran please scroll your mouse to the bottom left of my blog. Each prerogative is supported by the relevant Hadith and verses from Al Quran.









PHOTO: THE MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF PONDOK PESANTREN ARE IN THE MIDST OF PERFORMING MURAJA’AH OF THE VERSES OF AL QURAN. THESE KIND-HEARTED MUSLIMAHS ARE BEAUTIFUL, SOFT-SPOKEN, POLITE, RELIGIOUS, OBEDIENT AND NO DOUBT THEY ARE SMART


Each time I am at this Pondok Pesantren, the Muslimahs ('Hafizah' or future 'Hafizah') who are learning Islam at this Pondok Pesantren would happily serve and cook for me very delicious Indonesian village dishes for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. These kind-hearted Muslimahs are beautiful, very soft-spoken, very polite, religious, obedient and no doubt they are very smart (what can I say, they memorize 30 chapters of Al Quran). These virgins have the discipline of performing Solat Tahajjud and Solat-Solat Malam every night. For me, it is an honour and a privilege to conduct my free English Class to them every Saturday and Sunday during my weekend rendezvous at this Pondok Pesantren, learning Tajwid and Tafsir Al Quran from their Guru (Pak Kiyai Sarno). And I must confess that by looking at their mind-soothing face alone is enough to make the work stress of my consultancy business in the heart of Jakarta City Centre from Monday to Friday simply gone with the wind. Oh dear...no kidding. And I am very sure this such a soft-spoken Pondok Pesantren lady can definitely make even an extremely violent man like Mike Tyson or Incredible Hulk purrs like a kitten. Yes, you hear me right, purrs like a kitten...


JUST MY SPECIAL NOTE: The purpose I disclose that I am now conducting free English class during my weekend stay at Pondok Pesantren is NOT to show-off or menunjuk-nunjuk. On the other hand, my ONLY purpose is I hope by sharing this story I can inspire all my other friends wherever they are, who have certain skills and specialization to infaq (donate) their skills for the benefit of others by giving their free services or free class during their weekend or free time. Pak Kiyai Sarno has taught me that infaq does not necessarily in the form of money or tangible assets only. Well...besides spending our weekend at Wet World, Taman Negara, Zoo Negara, Pantai Seri Tujuh, Genting Highland, shopping mall, restaurant or other entertainment centre, wouldn't it good if we can also do something and infaq our skills for the benefit of other human-beings during our weekend, right? Wrong? Of course 'right' lah, right...









PHOTO: IN FRONT OF THE 'KAMAR TAMU' ALLOCATED BY PAK KIYAI SARNO FOR ME AND MY KELANTANESE WIFE TO PUT UP DURING MY WEEKEND STAY AT THE PONDOK PESANTREN


Pak Kiyai Sarno has also allocated a comfortable Guest Room for me and my Kelantanese wife to put up during our weekend stay. What a romantic night at this Pondok Pesantren with extremely mind-soothing night breeze blowing from the nearby mountain and paddy fields. I always have a 'feel-good' feeling whenever I am at this Pondok Pesantren. It reminds me of the same feeling during the honeymoon time with my wife when we were newly married 20 years ago in 1993. At that time both of us were nothing but just a 23 and 22 years old young innocent couple who married at such a young age to get Keredhaan Allah. And what a feeling to have my bath here using very clean natural mountain ground water from the well. Oh Mammamia! Mammamia!


JUST KIDDING: But please do not have any slightest imagination of a gagah-perkasa man like me having a romantic private bath or bermandi-manda with a beautiful virgin Muslimah or Hafizah during my weekend rendezvous here. Sheesh...Tak elok tu.










PHOTO: THIS PONDOK PESANTREN IS LOCATED IN THE MIDDLE OF A GREEN SESAME FARM, SURROUNDED BY GREEN PADDY-FIELDS AND GREEN MOUNTAIN. INDEED IT’S MY GREEN PARADISE!



Furthermore, I can't find any word in any dictionary ever published on this Planet Earth to describe my happiness performing Solat Tahajjud and Solat-Solat Malam together with these 'santri-santri' each night when I am staying at this Pondok Pesantren. And what a satisfaction to conduct free English lesson class for them
every weekend at this Pondok Pesantren. The unique thing about this Pondok Pesantren is apart from Islamic studies, this Pondok Pesantren also teaches 'modern' subjects such as English Language, Mathematics and Computer Skills because for their school-age 'santri' they also sit for Indonesian Ujian Nasional which is similar to SPM Exams in Malaysia or O-Level Exams in the UK.









PHOTO: PADDY-FIELDS AROUND THE PONDOK PESANTREN MAKE THE VIEW HERE VERY PICTURESQUE ESPECIALLY DURING SUNRISE AND SUNSET. INDEED THIS IS MY ‘HEAVEN ON EARTH’



Perhaps it's worth mentioning that it's my dream and also my wife's dream to spend most of our post-retirement time later
in a Pondok Pesantren like this which is located in a beautiful Indonesian village surrounded by green hills. We also plan to contribute something to the Pondok Pesantren in term of our skills. I plan to continue teaching these 'anak-anak Pondok Pesantren' English Language and my wife can teach them Computer Skills. By spending our time at Pondok Pesantren, my wife and I plan to learn more about Tafsir Al Quran from the Pak Kiyai. It's also our dream to have the discipline to perform Solat-Solat Malam and Solat Tahajud each and every night together, as a husband and wife, at the Pondok Pesantren. And during day time we will enjoy doing some farming over here. No doubt, it is Heaven on Earth in whatever way both of us see it. Indeed it is.









PHOTO: THIS IS THE ACCOMMODATION BUILDING FOR THE MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF THIS PONDOK PESANTREN. THE SECOND AND THIRD FLOOR ARE STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION. PRAISE TO ALLAH, ALHAMDULLILAH I HAVE MANAGED TO GET MANY OF MY MALAYSAN FRIENDS TO TRANSFER MONEY TO THE PONDOK PESANTREN AS THEIR ‘INFAQ AMAL JARIYAH’. PAK KIYAI SARNO HAS TAUGHT ME THAT IN SURAH AL BAQARAH (VERSE 261) ALLAH HAS PROMISED THAT FOR EVERY 1 THING YOU INFAQ, ALLAH WILL MULTIPLY IT AND GIVE YOU BACK 700 TIMES. INDEED. ALLAH WILL NEVER BREACH HIS PROMISE. NEVER. NEVER. EVER.









PHOTO: THIS IS THE PONDOK PESANTREN MOSQUE WHICH IS USED AS THE CENTRE OF ACTIVITIES. I CONDUCT MY ENGLISH CLASS DURING MY WEEKEND HERE INSIDE THIS MOSQUE. AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT I HAPPILY WATCH ISLAMIC FILM INSIDE THIS MOSQUE BY USING PROJECTOR AND PORTABLE WHITE SCREEN TOGETHER WITH ALL THE HAFIZ AND HAFIZAH. WHO SAYS IN ISLAM WE CANNOT 'MENONTON WAYANG'? OF COURSE WE CAN. BUT WE MUST OBSERVE THE SYARIAH GUIDELINES. NO PROBLEM AT ALL. I CAN SEE THEY ENJOY 'NOBAR' AND THEIR WEEKLY MOVIE WATCHING SESSION...










PHOTO: I WISH M.NASIR, THE LEGENDARY MALAYSIAN SONG COMPOSER IS HERE WITH ME, SPENDING TIME UNDER A TREE NEAR THE PADDY-FIELDS AROUND THE PONDOK PESANTREN. THIS SCENIC VIEW MAY STIMULATE M.NASIR’S CREATIVE MIND TO COMPOSE MANY NEW ROMANTIC SONGS! OH I LOVE ROMANTIC SONGS COMPOSED BY M.NASIR SUCH AS 'KEPADAMU KEKASIH' AND 'SUATU MASA'. DO YOU REMEMBER THESE BEAUTIFUL LYRICS?: “BAGAIMANAKAN KU MULA, DAN APAKAH KATA-KATA, YANG INDAH UNTUK DIABADIKAN, TIAP WAJAH BERKISAH, TIAP MADAH BERERTI, MANAKAH ILHAMKU…, CAHAYA DI MATAMU, SENYUM DI BIBIRMU, MENGUKIR SERIBU TANDA PERTANYAAN, MUNGKINKAH KAU JUA DALAM KERINDUAN, DI SAAT BEGINI AKU MERINDUKAN…” (WELL...GEMUK-GEMUK SAYA PUN ADA PERASAAN JUGA..., SIAPA BILANG ORANG GEMUK NGGAK DIBENARKAN ADA PERASAAN 'JIWANG' YA...? NGGAK SALAH KOK..., APATAH LAGI PERASAAN 'JIWANG' ITU HANYA TERHADAP ISTERI SENDIRI. GITU...) BY THE WAY, SINCE M.NASIR ALREADY COMPOSED 'KERONCONG UNTUK ANA' SONG, PERHAPS IT’S A GOOD IDEA IF HERE AT PONDOK PESANTREN HE CAN COMPOSE 'KERONCONG UNTUK ANTA'. I CAN BE THE PENYANYI LATAR









PHOTO: THE PONDOK PESANTREN IS SURROUNDED BY PADDY-FIELDS ON ONE SIDE AND THIS JUNGLE GREENERY ON THE OTHER SIDE. BEING HERE IS LIKE SPENDING TIME IN OUR TAMAN NEGARA BACK IN MALAYSIA. DURING NIGHT TIME ALL SORTS OF MUSICAL VOICE OF INSECTS AND BIRDS CAN BE HEARD COMING FROM THIS JUNGLE. BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE SOUND OF TIGER OR LION ROARING. THAT’S GOOD NEWS BECAUSE COMPARED TO 20 YEARS AGO; I CAN’T RUN THAT FAST ANYMORE. FURTHERMORE, I MUST CONFESS THAT I AM A MAN WITH 3 MONTHS 'PREGNANT' TUMMY. THANKS TO INDONESIAN DELICIOUS FOOD SUCH AS ES TELER, BEBEK KALEYO, PECAL LELE LELA, AYAM BAKAR MAS MONO, AYAM BAKAR WONG SOLO, CHICKEN STORY, SOTO GEBREK, PISANG BAKAR, AYAM KALASAN, MARTABAK BANGKA, KONRO DAENG TATA, AYAM GORENG MBOK BEREK, GADO-GADO BOPLO, SOTO BETAWI, SOTO MAKASAR, SATE SENAYAN, RAWON SETAN, TAHU PETIS KEDUNGDORO, BEBEK SONGKEM, SEMANGGI DEMPO, NASI KRAWU BU RIDA AND MANY MORE. IT SEEMS THAT UNLESS AND UNTIL I CONSUME 'ALPHA LIPID SLIM DIET 2', I WILL BE FOREVER PREGNANT. WHAT TO DO..., AYAM MEMATUK ITIK MENYUDU









Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun
Punya Wajah Cantik,
Karena Wajah Terakhir Kita Adalah Wajah Jenazah Pucat Pasi

Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun Punya Rumah Besar,
Karena Rumah Terakhir Kita Adalah Liang Lahad


Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun Punya Busana Mahal,
Karena Busana Terakhir Kita Adalah Kain Kafan


Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun Punya Kulit Mulus Dan Kinclong,
Karena Kulit Terakhir Kita Adalah Tanah Kuburan


Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun Punya Mobil Mewah,
Karena Kendaraan Terakhir Kita Adalah Keranda Mayat


Mari Kita Tetap Rendah Diri Meskipun Punya Minyak Wangi Bergengsi,
Karena Wangian Terakhir Kita Adalah Kapur Barus








"Ya Allah...Jika Dengan Terus Hidup, Saya Khairul Hisham Bin Hassan Akan Dapat Terus Beribadat Untuk Menambahkan Pahala Dan Akan Dapat Terus Berbuat Amalan Kebaikan Serta Akan Dapat Terus Memberi Manafaat Kepada Orang Lain, Maka Saya Mohon Tolonglah Panjangkan Umur Saya Ya Allah..."

"Tetapi Ya Allah...Jika Dengan Terus Hidup, Saya Khairul Hisham Bin Hassan Akan Hanya Menambah Berbuat Dosa Dan Akan Hanya Menyakiti Hati Orang Lain Serta Akan Hanya Memberi Mudarat Kepada Orang Lain, Maka Saya Mohon Tolonglah Matikan Saya Secepat Yang Mungkin Jika Mati Itu Lebih Baik Bagi Saya. Dan Matikanlah Saya Dalam Husnul Khotimah..."





Sunday, July 12, 2009

Another Historic Day in the Life of a Village Boy Named "Khairul"

(Photo: The Embassy of Malaysia in Khartoum)

Normally I post my writing on every Thursday night or the latest by Friday morning because Friday is a weekend day in Khartoum but this week is quite late because I am not feeling well. I am only not feeling well but I am not trapped in the well, so I still managed to write this posting specially dedicated to you.

(Photo: His Excellency the Ambassador of Malaysia and Khairul Hisham)

Meeting With His Excellency Ambassador

This week is indeed a quite special week for me. It is because I was granted an appointment to see His Excellency Ambassador Hj. Zainal Hj.
Hamzah, the Ambassador of Malaysia to The Republic of Sudan on Monday 13th of July 2009. For certain people who always fortunate enough to have the opportunity to meet top public figures in the course of their duties, maybe it is not a big deal. For a village boy and a son of a rubber tapper like me it was definitely a big deal to be granted an appointment to meet His Excellency Ambassador. Furthermore I am not a big businessman who builds a multimillion Sudanese Pound factory. I am just a small businessman (with a 'big prosperous tummy') who spent an equivalent of thousands-million of Indonesian Rupiah to come to Khartoum and to use it throughout my stay here, assisting my Sudanese partner setting up our North African first branch in Sudan. After Sudan will be Egypt, Dubai, Yemen, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and on and on. God willing. Insya Allah.

(Photo: "The Laughing Buddha")

Elephants Pregnant For 23 Months, I'm Pregnant for 80 Months? So How?

I always said that I am just a small businessman with a big tummy. Co-incidentally my big tummy looks like the tummy of the 'Laughing Buddha' or 'Pu-Tai' (albeit mine is very much smaller indeed). Last time every 10 days once I will go to the Indian barber shop to shave my head because I love to be bald. For me, bald is sexy. Even my wife said when I am bald not only I look 'gagah perkasa' (tough guy) in her eyes but also I become a little bit 'naughty' and sexier. My bald head and my big smile as well as my body looks very much similar to this 'Laughing Buddha'. I didn't purposely make myself resembling this idol but it is by co-incidence.

Having a big tummy always made me jokingly told my clients that I will give them the best service. In fact I have to give them good service. I can't afford to give them bad service simply because I cannot runaway
from them. I told them if they chase me for a bad service rendered, my big tummy makes me cannot run very fast. The best speed I can run is 3 km per hour speed limit because I told them I have got a baby in my stomach. If an elephant mother being pregnant for 23 months before finally delivering a baby, in my case I have been carrying this baby in my big tummy for at least 80 months but still not delivering yet. What to do?

(Photo: Teddy Bear)

Am I The Most Romantic Teddy Bear Ever Alive?


However....make no mistake, many young Chinese ladies, the staffs of my clients whom I conducted software training
last time said I look very much like a sexy Teddy Bear. (Yes, I used to conduct software training although I graduated from The University of Sheffield with a law degree). If they have got me as their Teddy Bear in their bed they do not have to buy any more Teddy Bear. You know these young teenage ladies they love to buy Teddy Bear to cuddle when sleeping.

But I 'cautioned' these young ladies the danger for them to have me as their
Teddy Bear because I am no ordinary Teddy Bear. I am certainly the most creative and charming Teddy Bear that they ever had if they dare to cuddle me in the bed like they normally do with their normal Teddy Bear. In fact I can be the most romantic and passionate Teddy Bear ever alive among all the Teddy Bears produced since the first factory production!

(Photo: Amway Crown Ambassador Pin)

This Is The Real Ambassador, Not a Crown Ambassador of Amway!

Last Monday morning was a funny day because when I first came to Sudan I did not bring my suit or blazer. I have done my research regarding Sudan thoroughly before I came here. I found out unlike in the UK it is not proper for me to go for appointments in Sudan wearing a full suit. The weather is hot and if I go to appointment by wearing a full suit I will be sweating like in "The Reader" movie when David Kross as the young "Michael Berg" stunned to see Kate Winslet as "Hanna Schmitz" nude for the first time in front of him.

However when on Sunday 12th of July I received a call from His Excellency Ambassador's Personal Assistant confirming the appointment I said to myself: "Oh Dear, I am going to meet His Excellency Ambassador. This is the real Ambassador, not Crown Ambassador of Amway or any other multi-level marketing companies. This is a real Ambassador. So I must meet him in dignity".

As far as Sudan is concerned, His
Excellency Ambassador is indeed equal to 'Malaysia' and 'Malaysia' is 'His Excellency Ambassador'. Not showing my utmost respect towards His Excellency Ambassador means not respecting my beloved country, Malaysia. So I must show my respect to my country Malaysia by dressing properly.
(Photo: Armani Brand Collection of Men's Underwear)

Why Need To Buy Expensive Underwear If You Do Not Want or Even Embarrassed To Show To the Public?


After a deep thought, early Monday morning itself just 4 hours before the meeting I rushed to Afra Shopping Centre to search for a descent suit. At last I got it. I bought it on the spot. After that, I immediately send sms-text to my Sudanese partner (Mr Abdul Jalil Abujjoud) saying: "Brother, I have just bought a new complete suit and a new underwear for this afternoon meeting with His Excellency Ambassador. Still got time. Another four more hours to go". I'm sure he laughed when reading it.

Hahaha...what a new underwear got to do with the meeting with His Excellency Ambassador. But I can
prove to you, wearing a new underwear will give you some psychological effect on your personal confidence. After wearing it, you feel great! If not, why on earth people buy an expensive underwear like 'Crocodile', 'Armani' or 'Triump' brand? Anyhow, they are not going to show to the public their expensive branded underwear when they are walking on the London Road or Washington Avenue. Even if they accidentally forget to zip up their pants or trousers properly which shows their smashing and shining expensive underwear they will feel greatly embarrassed, won't they?

It's ironic that people buy expensive underwear but they try
their best not to show-off their expensive underwear to the public. Normally an expensive item is bought to be show-off, right? Like when people buy expensive car Ferrari or Rolex watch, they surely will show-off the item that make a lot of people envy with them.

However have you ever seen any
man who purposely does not zip up his pants because he wants to show-off his Armani or Dunhill brand underwear, have you? Perhaps the only man that does not have any shame at all to show off his underwear is "Encik Superman". This mentally-retarded superhero of the world still stubbornly insists to wear his never-washed, never-changed underwear outside his trousers.

The reality is even
whenever the underwear is accidentally exposed because they forget to zip up their trousers, people will be very embarrassed, no matter how branded their underwear is. If that is the case it's better that we just buy a 50 sen underwear at a night market or 'Pasar Malam' at Parit Jawa!


(Photo: President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono During Suharto's Funeral)

What If President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono Forgot to Zip up His Pants?

I simply cannot imagine if during recent Indonesian Presidential Election Debate, my beloved General Dr Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono forgot to zip up his pants.
Although he can talk confidently, narrating his points after points, the moment he forgot to zip up his pants, the public would defitely smile like hell because they all can see his underwear. That time he may think people who watch his debate are smiling because they are very impressed with his points whereas the real thing is they can't stand seeing their President talking while showing his Javanese underwear. It will be a total chaos, surely it will.

However my friend, regardless of
this irony, there exist indeed a big psychological effect derived from wearing a branded or new underwear that makes you feel very confident when in public. It is difficult to describe in words what I mean by saying this, but you will definitely have the 'feel-good' feeling the moment the comfort of wearing a new and branded underwear goes to every part of your body.

Let's forget about my analysis on underwear. Let's go back to my meeting with His Excellency Ambassador. It's very seldom in my life a small man like me have been given an opportunity to meet a big personality like His Excellency Ambassador.

(Photo: Kitchen Cabinet)

Sir, The Only Cabinet That I Have Ever Met Before Was 'Kitchen Cabinet'

This was the second time in my life that I was given the opportunity to have a meeting with a public figure in person face-to-face for a discussion which last more than an hour. The first time was on 26th of December last year 2008 when I managed to a have a cup of tea (in fact it was a cup of hot chocolate, not tea) and a discussion for more than an hour in Churchill Hyatt Hotel in London with our Malaysian Higher Education Minister, YB Dato' Seri Khaled Nordin.

I don't think a small man like me can secure an appointment with the Honourable Minister for more than an hour discussion if not because of the help that I got from Huzaini Hussin's (my partner) brother in law, Mr Samsuri Mohsin and also if not because of the kind heart of one the Honourable Minister closed aides by the name of Mr Khatim who arranged my meeting with the Honourable Minister YB Dato' Seri Khaled Nordin, the Malaysian Minister of Higher Education.

During the discussion I even told our Honourable Minister of Higher Education that this was the
first time I met a cabinet minister. All this while the only 'cabinet-cabinet' things that I have ever dealt was only 'Kitchen Cabinet'. Of course the Honourable Minister laughed listening to my joke. I still remember he asked me why I did not feel cold because he realized that I just wore a rather thin cloth compared to him. I told the Honourable Minister that maybe was due to the fact that my blood is a very hot-blood of descendants of Majapahit Palace warrior. Obviously I have managed to prove that claim by not feeling so cold during the sarcastic British cold winter!

(Photo: Minister of Higher Education, Malaysia-YB Dato’ Seri Mohamed Khaled Nordin)

Its Not About Any Multimillion Tenders

Until today I am very proud to know that the Honourable Minister used to tell my partner's brother-in-law (Mr Samsuri Mohsin) that Khairul Hisham is among a very few people that ever met him for a discussion but did not ask anything related to government projects and tenders. In fact this naive, innocent, straight-forward young businessman by the name of "Khairul Hisham Bin Hassan" only explained to the Honourable Minister about the business activity he is currently doing in the UK.

I also sought his advice on many things. One of it was on what kind of Malaysian Higher Education consultancy that our
Malaysian government is looking for. After my meeting with Dato' Seri Khaled Nordin, I have nothing but full of admiration towards his humility, wisdom and charisma. Even though I do not support UMNO party for many reasons, yet in my eyes this Dato' Seri Khaled Nordin is among a selected few UMNO leaders that still command my respect. For me Dato' Seri Khaled is also among a very few UMNO leaders that still looks 'berseri' (shining and striking).

(Photo: Denzel Washington)

Me? Denzel Washington? Nay...Perhaps Denzel Yong Peng

Back again to my story about my meeting with His Excellency Ambassador. Even though the original appointment was between His Excellency Ambassador and myself, I decided to bring along my Sudanese partner, Mr Abdul 'Denzel Washington' Jalil (look at his photo below). Maybe he is not 100% similar to Denzel Washington but at least Mr Abdul Jalil is, I must say, 83% looks like Denzel Washington, unlike me who is -0.1 % looks like Denzel Washington. Denzel Yong Peng maybe "yes", but Denzel Washington is a big "no"!.

(Photo: My Sudanese Partner, Mr Abdul Jalil Abujjoud With His Excellency Ambassador)

Taukeh Ikan Sepat?

We were received by the Personal Assistant to His Excellency Ambassador upon reaching the Embassy of Malaysia office. We were brought to a
meeting room. In the meeting room we could see that everything was arranged according to the protocol. Everything. The chair, the sofa, the tea, the water and even where we supposed to seat. All were very well-organized and well-placed because they are all diplomats which have got their own protocols and ethics to follow.

Thank God, earlier of the day before this meeting I have called one of the senior diplomats in the Embassy to ask him that according to
protocol how should I address His Excellency Ambassador. Should I address him by calling him 'Tuan' or 'Sir'. The senior diplomat advised me to address His Excellency Ambassador with "Ambassador" because if I address him "Tuan" as if I am talking to "Taukeh Ikan Sepat" (Fishmonger) whereas His Excellency Ambassador should be accorded the proper respect and dignity as the Malaysian Top Diplomat in Sudan.

I thanked the
diplomat for his advice by saying "Thank you very mah, Ikan Puyu empak sa'amah", a Kelantanese way to say thank you in light manners. That diplomat and I laughed but of course in my heart I promised myself that I will never say "Thank you very mah, Ikan puyu empak sa'amah" when expressing my gratitude towards His Excellency Ambassador

Wow! More Than An Hour Discussion. That's Smashing!

I was surprised to realize my discussion with His Excellency Ambassador stretched to more than an hour. Perhaps, just perhaps, His Excellency Ambassador enjoyed talking to us. Contrary to my initial belief that this meeting would be just a short formal discussion, it was indeed a very informative meeting. His Excellency Ambassador advised us on many things; for example on which particular sectors that my company should bring the Sudanese businessman to invest in Malaysia and many other things. It was indeed a meeting solidly 'full of of points'. That really surprised me. His Excellency Ambassador also talked about the cultural differences between Sudan and Malaysia and what advice should I give to the Sudanese businessman whom I bring to Malaysia on "what to do" and "what not to do" in Malaysia.

By looking at His Excellency Ambassador I have no doubt whatsoever he really represents a normal Malaysian man's face. He has got a perfectly Malay face, unlike me who can be confused as an Indonesian. If I claim I am the nephew of President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyno that is also possible. But it is not possible if a North African Arab face like Mr Abdul Jalil's face wants to claim that he is a nephew of Jusuf Kalla, one of Indonesian presidential election candidates. Upon seeing his politeness and Malaysian natural friendliness way of receiving his guests, I have no doubt when His Excellency Ambassador meets Sudanese top politicians and Sudanese corporate figures as my Malaysian Ambassador, he indeed represents all of us in Malaysia.


(Photo: Sudanese Sufi Group in Action)

If Sufi People Really Not Going To Be Injured By Any Weapon, Why Not Fight Israeli Army?


We listened very attentively to all the advice given by His Excellency Ambassador. But "Khairul being Khairul", I managed to make a joke during the discussion. His Excellency Ambassador told me that in Sudan there exist a group of people that what the local people call the Sufi group. This Sufi group sometimes would be able to mysteriously perform unbelievable super natural things such as not being injured by any sharp weapons used against them ("Kebal") and many other supernatural powers. At that time I saw my partner's face beamed with a sense of proudness to hear His Excellency Ambassador commented on the mysterious culture of Sufism in Sudan.

However, I spontaneously said with tongue-in-cheek:
"Ambassador, if that Sudanese Sufi group of people are really good to the extend that not even a sharp object or weapon can harm them, why not sending them to fight against the Israeli army and crush that Zionist army and help the victimized Palestinians then?" His Excellency Ambassador laughed upon hearing what I said especially on the logic of my statement.

From the tail of my eyes I could see my Sudanese partner's face as if he
wanted to strangle my neck there and then for making a joke about the ability of the Sufi group to perform miracles that he really proud of!

Before leaving the Embassy of Malaysia after the meeting ended, I shook His Excellency Ambassador's hand and I said: "Ambassador, today is a historic and proud day for me to be granted an appointment to see you. It was also my childhood ambition to be a diplomat (beside to be a military lawyer) like you too but I guess it is my destiny that I am not a diplomat now". I could see and feel that His Excellency Ambassador is a man full of wisdom, humility and charisma when he looked straight at my eyes and replied: "No...indeed working in private sector or business like you is better"

Not only we have a fruitful and meaningful more than an hour meeting with His Excellency Ambassador, but also before leaving the embassy building, the embassy staffs (with the kind permission of His Excellency Ambassador) have make my partner's car boot filled up with variety of Malaysia tourism brochures to be given out as part of promoting Malaysia natural beauty to my Sudanese clients who will come to my office to do business in Malaysia. Apart from those colourful brochures, the Embassy of Malaysia was also very kind enough to give us 7 beautiful big wall posters to be hung on the four corners of the walls inside our office. So now anybody who walk-in our Khartoum office will surely feel the 'Malaysianized environment' inside our office with 7 very beautiful wall posters proudly be hung up with frame on the four corner of our office walls.

(Photo: Badreldin With His 'Stone Hammer')

'Bad'reldin Should Change his name to 'Good'reldin!

Hence, on Tue
sday one day after my meeting with His Excellency Ambassador, my staff and I have a busy time to put
those 7 big wall posters containing picture of various beautiful places in Malaysia on the four corners of our office's walls. On Monday evening itself I reminded my staff, Badreldin to bring with him to office a hammer from my partner's nearby house because we already have bought some nails to be used to hang up all those 7 wall posters.

But to my surprise,
on Tuesday morning instead of a hammer he brought with him a big stone in a transparent plastic bag that he said he collected at the roadside. I told Badareldin: "Excuse me...you and I are not caveman during stone age era. This is the era of President Omar Hassan Ahmed Al Bashir, not President Flinstones. What the hell is this? Why do you bring this big stone with you all the way to office in the bus?" He replied: 'Sorry Mr Khairul, in the middle of my journey here I realized that I forgot to bring the hammer as requested by you, so I think it's better for me to find a stone near the roadside as long as the stone can be used as a hammer to put the big posters on the wall"

I responded
by saying: "You are such a good employee. You bring with you all the way in the bus a rather big stone ("batu") just to ensure we can use it as a hammer. Believe me, in Malaysia no employee is willing to carry a big stone like this inside a transparent plastic bag that everybody else in the bus can see in the middle of morning rush hour to make sure the boss have a kind of hammer to use to put the posters on the wall". I added up: "Many employees in Malaysia instead of bringing a "batu" (stone) to help the Boss, they are so "kepala batu' (stubborn) bunch of employees who love to fight back against their employer or Boss!

Before our Sudan branch office hiring Badreldin I have received many negative feedbacks about Sudanese employee's negative attitude and bad work culture. Badreldin has proven to me that not all Sudanese employees are like that. He always come on time and very punctual. He also always very passionate attending to our client's enquiry. Believe it or not during Fridays which supposed to be a weekly rest day here in Sudan, Badreldin even makes sure the incoming calls to our office general line been diverted to his mobile phone because he said by diverting the calls to his mobile he still can answer any enquiry that also many times we received on Fridays. Furthermore unlike me, Badreldin definitely knows how to speak Arabic, his mother tongue language apart from English and most of the enquiry are in Arabic.

I even told him by right his name should be 'Good'reldin, and not
'Bad'reldin because he is not bad at all. But then Goodreldin sounds like a Singh name Gurbarchan Singh! Anyhow, in Badreldin we trust.

(Photo: Ismail Pasha-Ruler of Egypt, Burned to Death by My Employee's Great, Great Grandfather)

Badreldin's Great, Great Grandfather Burned To Death Ismail Pasha, the Ruler of Egypt


In Arab culture, they really know their family-tree very well. They keep the proper record and trace their family-tree record up to their great, great, great grandfather.
Badreldin confirmed to me that his great, great grandfather is the great founder of Al Jaleen Tribe leader by the name of Al Mak Nimir. If you come to Khartoum there is Al Mak Nimir Street in honour of his great, great grandfather bravery. If you really do research about Sudan history, in October 1822 King Ismail Pasha of Muhammad Ali Pasha Dynasty from Egypt, with his retinue, was burnt to death by Al Mak Nimir because he insulted the dignity of Al Mak Nimir. Al Mak Nimir that time was considered as the leader or 'king' of Shendi, a 3 hours drive town north of Khartoum.

Oh God! No joke man, my Sudan branch staff is the descendant of the great Al Mak Nimir warrior! Badreldin even told me everybody knows that
Al Jaleen tribe that he belongs to is well known for their hot-tempered but they can also cool down very fast too. Out of curiosity I asked Badreldin whether he will also burn me to death if I ever scold him, like what his great, great grandfather Al Mak Nimir did to King Ismail Pasha of Egypt? He did not say "no". He just smiled only. Waduh! Who will not be scared to be burnt to death? I think if it is like this, Kung Fu legend Bruce Lee also scared to scold my Badreldin maaa...

The Story of A Very Professional and Helpful Malaysian Diplomat

Actually my appointment with His Excellency Ambassador will not be possible without the help of a senior diplomat currently working in the Embassy of Malaysia in Khartoum. For protocol reasons and for his privacy let me not put his name here in my blog. However let me stress that this particular diplomat is the most handsome diplomat in the Embassy of Malaysia in Khartoum.

Having said that, I must also stress that not in any
material time I am gay, or half-gay or even 25% gay. I came to know him after being introduced by another friendly Malaysian diplomat that I met 3 weeks ago during my first courtesy visit to the Embassy of Malaysia.

This helpful and handsome Malaysian diplomat told me he comes from Terengganu. He
really has managed to change a lot of my negative perception about Malaysian civil service. During my first courtesy visit to the embassy three weeks ago, he was willing to see me even though I did not have any prior appointment with him. This Terengganu born diplomat has demonstrated his utmost professionalism by sharing with me some non-confidential information that he is allowed to give to assist my business activities in Sudan. He did all this in the name of helping a fellow Malaysian in a foreign country and in the name of protecting the good name of Malaysia in the eyes of Sudanese business community by giving a fast and efficient follow-up.

He even went extra-mile by meeting with me after office hour at a nearby restaurant (because during office hour he was so
tight with his other daily workload) to advice me on certain matters and also to introduce me to another Malaysian 'superman' who has been working with United Nations for quite some time. (I will talk a lot about this Malaysia United Nations special man in my next week blog posting).

From time to time this diplomat
always communicate with me through sms-text to give me latest information that can help a Malaysian company like mine penetrating the Sudanese market on the matter related to consultancy on "Doing Business in Malaysia", consultancy on "Malaysia My Second Home Programme" and consultancy on "Malaysian Higher Education". He told me all this while, all the enquiries regarding "Doing Business in Malaysia" which the Embassy of Malaysia normally received have to be passed to Kuala Lumpur to the relevant agencies. But the geographical distance between Malaysia and Sudan has indirectly resulted to a relatively slow response time from those agencies in Kuala Lumpur. This frustrated the Sudanese businessman who made the enquiry.

Now the situation will change for the
better with the existence of my office in Khartoum itself. My company response time will be very much faster. I believe this diplomat has a noble intention passing the enquiry to us. He definitely wants the prospective client to receive the best service ever because he knows although I am fat, I am a super fast and super efficient man who will attend to the enquiry without any delay, not even a nano-second delay. What are the things this diplomat expecting in return? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He only did all of this in the best interest of Malaysia, the country that he and I as Malaysians, love very dearly.


(Photo: Noor Arfa Batik Beautiful Model)

Fancy To Be a Model Of Brylcream or Noor Afra Batik?

However, in my conversation with one of my partners I jokingly said that if this diplomat ever resigns or retired from the diplomatic corps, I am more than willing to be his agent like what Tom Cruise did in 'Jerry Maguire' movie to find any company that is willing to use him as a model in their advertisement promoting their product. Due to his handsomeness I do not think I will have any problem to secure a deal with any product manufacturer. I will approach Brylcream or any man's perfume brand or man's high end quality suits like Armani or even Noor Arfa Batik.

Excuse me, don't look down on Noor Arfa Batik. They are actually a multi-million batik company involving on
producing high end quality batik shirt and attires. If I can ever get the deal with Noor Arfa batek so that this handsome diplomat can be their model, the modelling payment that I will expect from Noor Arfa will be no less than six figures amount. But I know this diplomat will never leave the diplomatic corps service because I can see he takes pride in serving the nation. He is not working just for the sake of killing the time.

To this Malaysian diplomat who
prefers to remain anonymous I must say: "Thank you, sir. Your high level of professionalism and your ever willing-to-help working culture has made me proud to be a Malaysian. All the Malaysian taxpayers are indeed proud that our tax money is used to pay your salary and other perks that you rightly deserved, unlike some corrupt government politicians that misused the taxpayers money to enrich themselves with questionable government contracts, projects or tenders, as if this Malaysian taxpayers money belong to their grandmother".

(Photo: Tourism Malaysia Office-Trafalgar Square London)

Malaysian Tourism Promotional Board Office at Trafalgar Square, London

The words such as "Bodek" or 'Ampu" (praising people for hidden personal agenda) simply do not exist in my life dictionary. I have deleted these kind of words long time ago from my life dictionary. I am very much like Dr Mahathir who calls "a spade a spade". So when I praise somebody I do it out of my honesty and not with any disgusting hidden agenda. In the same breath I will criticize them without mercy if I have to do so.

This is me. I am
not a hypocrites like certain British people are famous for. It is a commonly known perception that sometimes the British will praise you with all the nicest words under the sun but that does not mean they will tell others exactly the same when they are behind you or when you no longer can give them any benefits.

Some of my friends who used to live very long time in the UK even advised me this also applies to some British Muslims. They
claimed this kind of British Muslim actually has two Gods, one is Allah and the other one is money. However I tend to disagree because most of British either Muslim or non Muslims that I dealt with, were indeed very nice people. If they unable to help me I would understand because as a human-being they also have got their limitations and weaknesses that made them unable to help me.

Not all British are hypocrites. It is absolutely wrong for me to do such a
generalization. Most of the British that I have met all this while whether they are Muslim or non Muslim were very decent, honest and have the highest level of integrity.

I must say people like the Malaysian diplomat that I described above, really changes my perspective about Malaysian civil servants. Another exemplary civil servants that I know quite well are the staffs at Tourism Promotional Board of Malaysia at Trafalgar Square, London.

If you go to London, just drop-by at the Tourism Promotional Board office at Trafalgar Square. I believe you will see and feel the natural friendliness of their staffs in attending to all enquiries made either through phone calls or walk-in British citizens. Everyday the Malaysian Tourism Promotional Board staffs in London act like missionary preaching to British citizens how good and how beautiful Malaysia is.

(Photo: British Army in Iraq)

Story of Ex-British Soldier Applying a Job in Local Council

Talking about commonly bad perception on the working culture of government civil servants I must say this negative perception is not only
happens in Malaysia but also all over the world including in a modern country like the United Kingdom. Let's hear my story regarding the civil servant in the UK. The story is regarding an ex-British soldier who used to serve in Iraq who went for an interview with a local council ("Majlis Daerah") in one of the borough in England.

The interviewer from the local council asked: "So...what's your previous job?" .

The guy replied: "I was in the British army, serving in Iraq. But now I have opted for early
retirement from the army"

The interviewer asked again: "Iraq ya...Have you got any disabilities?"
The soldier said: "As a matter of fact yes. I got my balls blown off by the
Saddam army"

"Well..." The local council interviewer replied: "Good news mate! You got the job. It's Monday to Friday, 8am to 4pm, except that for you, you can come at 10am"

The ex-soldier who was already very happy and eager to serve the nation again through this new local council job puzzled and asked: "But...Why 10am, why not 8am like the rest?"

The interviewer, a 60 years old veteran in civil service said: "Well....for the first 2 hours of the office time we actually do nothing. We just sit scratching our balls. You obviously won't able to do that, will you? Didn't you just tell me Saddam army blew your balls? So...you have no more balls to scratch! Have you mate?"

So my dear friends, it's happen everywhere. I must say by comparison the civil service in Malaysia nowadays is much better than say 20 years ago. People like His Excellency Ambassador of Malaysia to Sudan, and the Malaysian diplomat that I narrated the story above, and not to forget Mathilda and Marsinah in Tourism Board office in London are all the samples of a different breed of government civil servant that gives Malaysian civil servant a good name. This new generation of civil servants has got a different working culture as compared to their comrades during the time and era when Rabuan Pit was still our best sprinter in 100 meter competition.

(Photo: Dataran Jalur Gemilang Yong Peng)

My Experience Dealing With Malaysian Local Council

Talking about local council, I still remember in 1999 after coming back from Jakarta, my wife being a Kelantanese lady who naturally loves to do
business, opened a computer centre company in Yong Peng with her other two partners (a UTM engineering graduate, Aidi Paimin and a very religious retired soldier, Haji Hussin Sujak). Yong Peng is a small town in the southern part of Malaysia, not far from Batu Pahat town.

By the way, Yong Peng has nothing to do with
Chin Peng, the former Malaya communist terrorist leader and Yong Peng also has no connection whatsoever with 'LemPeng', the traditional Javanese breakfast dishes similar to the Indian Chapati.

Her computer centre was the first Malay owned-computer company in Yong Peng that provides four services; namely computer courses, computer repair services, computer sales and also internet connection services. She always said if my company has 3 different services to offer to the public (consultancy on 'Doing Business in Malaysia', 'MM2H' and also 'Malaysian Higher Education') her company even provides four services, one more than my company.

Now my wife have got two branches. The second branch is located in Chaah, a small town near Segamat. It is just a small computer
company but I know she is proud that even though she comes from Kelantan state, she is the owner of the first Malay-owned computer company in Yong Peng and Chaah which she has to compete with at least 8 more Chinese-owned computer companies in Yong Peng and Chaah as her local competitors. In Malaysia (and in fact everywhere in the world) no doubt the Chinese are very good in business and they own most of the companies in retail sector.

(Photo: China Investment in Africa)

If The Gorillas have Their Own Currency, The Chinese Will Do Business With Them Too!

Recently Sudan and China celebrated their 50 years trade relationship between the two countries. There are many Chinese businessmen in Sudan. There are many Chinese National Petroleum Corporation (CNPC) petrol stations in Sudan.

For me, Chinese race is a group of amazing people. Practically in every part of the
world you can find Chinese people. In UK, USA, Malaysia, Manchester, in fact in every corner of the world. They can set up any business from scratch no matter who their clients are; Peruvian or Argentinian or whoever as long as they should be paid accordingly, which of course as a trader this is what they should expect; to get paid for whatever products they sell or services they render.

By using the same logic I personally think if in the thick
jungle of Amazon the gorillas have managed to produce their own currency I am sure the Chinese traders will go and migrate to the new Republic of Gorillas and do business with the gorillas community too. Never mind they don't understand each other. Never mind the gorillas never brush their teeth. Never mind the gorillas never wear underwear. As long as they are willing to pay for whatever the Chinese is selling and do business ethically, the Chinese will be there. I have a great respect towards the Chinese on their business skills and perseverance.
(Photo: The Famous Old Logo of CCH Worldwide)

My CCH Malaysia Years

At that time in 1999 when my wife opened her computer centre company, I was working with CCH Malaysia, a multinational with the world headquarters in Amsterdam. Talking about Amsterdam, I remember last time each time the word 'Amsterdam' came out from my CCH colleagues mouth I would jokingly responded: "What? Amsterdam...? Damn you!"

CCH actually provides among other things business law, company law and tax law reporting services. But I was not working in the editorial department. Instead
I took the challenge to work in the marketing department. The rest was history. Everyone in CCH knew my marketing ability. Many times I became the best marketing person and produced the best sales result in CCH Malaysia office. During the so-called Lunar Competition I even have got the highest number of new signings or numbers of new clients among all the CCH account sales managers throughout the region. I managed to beat account sales managers from CCH Singapore, CCH Hong Kong, CCH China and CCH Japan.

Actually it is not nice for us to disclose our salary figure because if we do so people might construe that we try to show-off. But what I am going to tell you here has nothing to do with 'show-off' or 'talk big' that kind of things. I just want to share with you some good thing of the past when I worked as an employee in CCH. This is just to share my sweet memory together with my blog readers. Again no intention to talk big or what. During my time working in CCH nobody knows that I earned quite a lot if compared to other junior employees in other companies, with a total basic salary plus sales commission more than RM10,000 consistently every month.

For certain people RM10,00 basic salary plus commission is nothing to be proud of. But ten years ago as a young graduate and coming from a small village, to get RM10,000 consistently as a basic salary plus sales commission per month considered good money already. At least to me. Nobody will believe that time I earned that kind of figure until they saw my Income Tax "Form J". Again the good things about numbers are, they never lie.

But that was a thing of the past, I lost a lot of my money earned during my CCH time in various failed business ventures. That's why now I am
very much a wiser small businessman.

(Photo: Collecting 'Etak'-River Clam)

How many 'Etak' From Kelantan River That You Need To Collect To Get RM23,000 Per Month?

I still remember in one of my best performing month (i.e February 2000) while working with CCH Malaysia I managed to get basic salary plus sales commision for RM23,000 a month (for a village boy, son of a rubber tapper like me this RM23000 net income a month achievement is a lot of money). Again this disclosure is just to share with you how happy I was that time to get this kind of monthly income. This amount is nothing to some of you who is now a successful businessman. I jokingly said to my friend that to get RM23,000 per month how many tons of 'Etak' (river clam) that an 'Etak' collector at the river bank of Kelantan River has to collect? I just need to use my sales presentation skills without having to do full of headache work as a lawyer to get this amount of income.


(Photo: Pan Pacific Hotel Kuala Lumpur)

The Happiest Moment in My Life

That time I recalled I brought both my beloved parents from Johor to Kuala lumpur and then I drove them to the Coffee House in Pan Pacific Hotel (now is Seri Pacifik Hotel) near PWTC and bought for them a buffet lunch.

Look...my parents are just village old folks. This was the first time
ever they attended a buffet. I nearly cry in my heart seeing my mother was very afraid that day to take the food or dishes for the second time for fear of being scolded by the hotel waitress because she cannot understand that in a buffet lunch in a hotel we are allowed to take as many times as possible.

That day was the happiest day in my life to
see my parents enjoy having the first time buffet in their life time. My parents are the most important person in my life (after my Prophet Muhammad). After that are my beloved wife and children.

Before working briefly in Community Development Department (KEMAS) my father was just a rubber tapper who used to work in a Chinese plantation at Lam Lee Estate. He even woke up at 2am every morning that time because he wanted to cover and finish tapping a bigger area so that he can get more income and can afford to pay all the expenses for his six children. I am the eldest in the family. I rule the family. I am the Michael Corleone in the family. Alhamdullillah, (Praised to the Lord) his every single son and daughter that he has all this while struggled to feed, have now all graduated from various universities either from local or overseas universities.

(Photo: Tiara Marque Car)

I Sang Tiara Song While Driving My Tiara Marque Car

Though I earned comfortably that time, I was very low profile. I used my cash that I got from my salary plus commission from CCG to fund my other business. My car was just a small Tiara marque car. But my heart was very happy working in CCH Malaysia. Whenever I entered my Tiara car every morning, after the normal doa and 'Bismillah' I will sing the famous Malay song that time which the title of the song co-incidentally has the same name with my car marque 'Tiara'.

So I sang every morning in the car: "Tiara...menggamit kenangan
zaman persekolahan...Oh Tiara...Ku bermimpi kita bersanding atas kayangan..."

Loosely translated as: "Tiara...How I remember our school days
memory....Oh Tiara....I dream that we are having our wedding in Paradise"

That time I used to have another branch of computer centre (different computer centre name from my wife existing computer centre), two pizza kiosk business and one language class centre. Unfortunately all these business eventually have to be closed. The main reason because I invested my money that I got from my income in CCH without really supervising my own business. I was very busy with my marketing work in CCH that I did not really have full control of my own business. The staffs that I entrusted to run my business have failed me miserably. However the two computer centres that under my wife's direct management are stil operating until now.

(Photo: Lawyer in the Court)

Lawyers Friend of Mine Earn A Lot

I definitely do not mean to talk big here but again my friends, I cannot resist myself from sharing a story about one of my clients. This nice client of mine "insulted" me by saying: "Khairul, why not
you practice as a lawyer. How much you can get by promoting this business law and tax law reporting services?" If he knows how much a fresh graduate who just joined a law firm earns as compared to my net monthly income during my CCH time, he surely would think twice before looking down on me like that.

Again having said that, of course a lot of experienced lawyers are very rich. I have a lot of friends who also graduated with a bachelor of law
degree like me who used to be my A Level classmates who are still practicing as a lawyer, either by owning their own law firm or as a senior lawyer in a big law firm.

Practicing lawyer friends of mine like Jamalul Hisham
Abdul Hamid, Fariza Ismail, Aizul Rohan Annuar, Syed Faisal Syed Abdullah (just to name a few, actually many more but I have lost contact with them) are definitely earning tons and tons of money every month as a lawyer. The way they smile I know this is the smile of a rich lawyer. Their smile is not the poor man smile like our old timer comedian Hamid Gurkha's smile.

So if any of my blog readers would like to seek donation for Orphanage Home or Old Person Charity Home you
can approach all my rich lawyer friends that I mentioned the name above. But don't you ever dare to argue with these smart breed of lawyers friends of mine because the moment you open your mouth, they already know how to nail your argument left and right, top and bottom. Just humbly ask them to donate some money for charity. They are all very kind-heart bunch of people. Just take whatever amount they want to give. If they want to give RM1000, take it. RM2000, grab it. And If they prepare a RM100,000 cheque, just 'redha' (accept). Do not argue why you have to be given that amount of money or why you should deserve such a generosity. The amount does not really matters but they will give.

Unfortunately I lost a lot of my savings or money that I earned during that beautiful CCH time in various failed business ventures. I paid a very costly price for my inexperience in business last time and my agresiveness without proper planning in my previous business ventures has clouded my judgement. That's why now I am a wiser small businessman. I really have learned from my past mistake. I told myself that just a matter of time my glory days will come back again. Just a matter of time...


(Photo: Delicious Pizza!)

My First Pizza-Kiosk Business

Although that time I was working with CCH, I tried to invest in various small business the lucrative income that I got from CCH every month. One
of the them was by having two pizza-kiosks franchise business. This pizza business was not in the form of a restaurant. Only a kiosk. At that time there were two different pizza-kiosks franchise business. One was Zan Pizza and the other one was Pizza Express (not related to that famous "Pizza Express Company" in the UK).

Since those days I have got a lot of cash in my hand I decided to buy both pizza-kiosks franchise. The Pizza Express kiosk
I operated from one of the shops located at the new Yong Peng bus station, while the Zan Pizza kiosk I stationed it at Parit Sulong.

(Photo: Pizza Delivery Boy)

The First Person Who Did Pizza Business and Delivery Services in Yong Peng is Not a Italian, It's a Javanese Majapahit!

So if Yong Peng, at present a small town becomes a big city or 'Bandaraya Yong Peng' in 100 years time later, the history remains that the first ever person who introduced a pizza business complete with delivery services in Yong Peng area was not an Italian Salvatore Biaggi or anybody like that but it was indeed a Javanese Majapahit blood young businessman by the name of Khairul 'Antonio Mussolini' Hisham. I was the first. That is the fact that cannot be changed. History cannot deny that. Most of the Yong Pengians know about this fact. If they do not know means they just love to eat their Javanese 'Lempeng' dishes rather than my pizza.

But this pizza-kiosk business was one of my failed business ventures. It failed because of many factors. One of the factors was because I failed to control my own business properly. I trusted people too much. I thought all people are as honest as me. I myself was very busy with my job in CCH Malaysia and my wife was so focus on her computer centre business. So my staffs has a reall jolly good time running my business to the extend that the sales collection of the day many times used by them as a revolving credit to pay their bet in a nearby snooker center.

Even Wak Jemiran, the Javanese Old Man Fed-Up Eating The Same Menu of My Pizza

Another reason was because there was no real product development initiated by the franchisors, Zan Pizza and Pizza Express. The franchisors rely heavily on the fact that their pizza are cheaper compared to those sold at Pizza Hut and Domino. But if they only rely on the 'cheaper price factor' even 'Lempeng' (Javanese traditional dishes resembling a pizza) or Indian Chapati also cheaper.

At the time when Pizza Hut always introduced new menus and promotion, Zan Pizza and Pizza
Express stubbornly sticked to the same old menu. They paid a heavy price for their stubbornness and their inability to change. Even my Javanese client, Wak Jemiran also fed-up and cannot 'tahan' (maintain) ordering the same old menu from my pizza-kiosk. So there goes my savings into the drain.

What is the connection of my story with the attitude of local council then? The 'best' part is after one year we closed the shop or pizza-kiosk we still received the letter from the local council for the amount purportedly owed by us from the monthly rental of the premise owned by the local council at the Yong Peng Bus Station though we have let go the premise a year ago.

You see. Somebody must be sleeping in that local council. They take years (not
weeks or months) just to issue a simple Clearance Letter for their former tenant. I hope nowadays that local council has changed for the better.

Before I sign off let me answer some of the questions related to my earlier blog-posting:

What Will Happen If Jebat Survived the Amok of the Sudan's Dust & Sand (Haboob Sandstorm)? 18th June Posting

If Jebat ever survived the fury of Haboob sandstorm I guess Jebat will no longer behave like the bad old days Jebat. Due to his extreme gratitude surviving from that scary sandstorm, Hang Jebat may become a soft-spoken person like Hang Li Po, the Chinese princess who was presented by the Chinese Emperor to the Malacca Sultan. In October 2007 I went to Guangzhou China for business trip.

I must say after dealing with the Chinese
mainland lady who was so soft-spoken and polite, I am very sure Hang Li Po who lived more than 1,500 years ago when everything was not 'polluted' yet was definitely much more super polite and super soft lady. I will not be surprised if any historian dares to claim that when Hang Li Po spoke, his softness can make any flying bird drop-dead. I mean the real bird. I deny that I am insinuating anything else here.

What's Wrong If a Soldier Putting The Grenades In His Underwear? 12th June Posting

One of the my blog readers also asked me that there is nothing wrong to put the grenades inside the underwear. The rationale? So many times in the movie the film's hero hides his knife or pistol at unsuspected parts of his body to avoid detection.

My reply to him is: "That is in a movie. In the real
war what would happen if during the heat of the situation, he may have mistakenly taken out from his underwear his own 'gun' rather than the grenades!".

And the problem is who has the appetite to see his 'gun' during the battlefield. If I were the colonel on that battlefield, I will surely slap the
face left and right any of my soldier who dares to show off his personal 'gun' instead of the grenades during the battlefield. I think you got my point that everything has its own place to put in order for easy retrieval when the time it is needed..

What Is the Reason for the Practice of "Total Infibulation" Which Involves Sewing Part of the Female Genitalia? 25th June Posting

To put in simple language I think it goes without saying 'total infibulation' is believed by its practitioners to render women sexually inactive, thus these women are unlikely to engage in any intercourse before she is married to her husband. The best part is the visibly intact barrier of infibulation assures a husband he has married a virgin.

My personal opinion on this matter is maybe 'total infibulation' works well here in Africa serving it's purpose
safeguarding or preventing the girl from committing premarital sexual intercourse, but I doubt you can achieve this noble objective by practicing 'total infibulation' in USA or Europe.

(Photo: Angelina Jolie with Her Baby)

Fancy Total Infibulation on Paris Hilton? Or Angelina Jolie?

For example what will happen if you perform 'total infibulation' on celebrities like Paris Hilton and Angelina Jolie? Will it be the best way to make them sexually inactive? For socialite like Paris Hilton, I don't think it will even last more than 24 hours after her vagina is partially sewn. Most probably she would manage to observe her abstinence for just say 5 hours only.

No methods can stop a person like Paris Hilton from making love
with one of her long list of boy friends! What a waste of time to do 'total infibulation' to a sex-animal like Paris Hilton. Its only wasting the time of the midwife ('bidan'); who performed that 'total infibulation' to her.

Performing 'total infibulation' to Angelina Jolie? Are you crazy? This Angelina Jolie obviously love to 'berjoli' (having fun). Trust me, if Brad Pitt has
his way not only he wants Angelina Jolie to deliver baby once a year, maybe once in every three months!

Regarding Disclosing the Good Response from My Advertisements in Sudan. 3rd July Posting


Some people may think that by disclosing in my previous blog-posting the facts that my company have received good response from Sudanese business community, I actually have opened a possibility of attracting competitors.

Am I afraid of competition? No, not even a slightest feeling of fear. Competition is normal .
Without a competitor for him to fight against, Mike Tyson would never be the undisputed heavyweight champion.

As the ultimate decision maker of the company I am the General of the company. I am not just a Colonel, a Captain or a Major in my company. I am the General. I make decision so I am not afraid of any competitors because I am at liberty to design various strategy to leave my competitors eating dust during Haboob storm.

But if in the company I am only a Captain or a Major or even a Colonel of the company then I am worried because I am not allowed to make crucial decisions in implementing my company strategies. In that scenario I would be very scared of competitors because even if I am good but I have a total idiot as my boss, it will be pointless. I will be helpless
if the ultimate decision maker of the company is not me. In that situation I can only suggest, but cannot implement or make decision on my company's strategies. This will make me scared of competitors because I am helpless and powerless.

But as long as the ultimate decision maker of my company is me I got nothing to fear. In fact I really look forward to kill, smack, punch, bury and kick my competitors really really hard to the extend that they regret to be born in this wonderful world. Is this statement of mine a kind of 'talk big' nonsense. Nope. Far from that. Instead, I call it: "Majapahit Palace Descendant's Ultimate Self Confidence!"

(Photo: Vito Corleone-The Godfather)

"It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business!"

As long as I am the decision maker or the General of the company, for me nothing to worry. I will analyze the competitor, find his weakness by doing SWOT analysis and then nail and bury my competitors alive, with no mercy. This is all nothing to do with personal matters. It's strictly business. Like Michael Corleone said to his brother Sonny Corleone in 'Godfather' film when Michael volunteered to gun down Captain McCluskey, the corrupt New York Police Captain: "It's not personal, Sonny. It's strictly business!"

Are KFC & McDonald Using 'Ilmu Pelaris' (Black Magic) To Increase Their Global Sales?

I can use many ways . I believe I don't need to use black magic or 'pawang' in my business venture. I believe in my own effort and then I believe in my pray or doa to Allah in everything I do. I do not believe in black magic. Have you ever heard KFC or McDonald use black magic or 'pawang' to increase their global sales, have you?

What about Bill Gates? Has he ever used a Red Indian traditional black-magicians to increase his Microsoft Windows Vista sales or to kill competition from Google? The answer is a resounding "No". Even Bill Gates cannot use any black magic to contain or create a 'gate' against any virus attack in Windows system. We need Karpesky or Norton anti virus to combat it, not black magician like Pawang Subagio or Pawang Adiwata from Kalunggung Mountain to resolve this virus problem.


(Photo: British Ladies Performing Silat)

Can "Ilmu Pengasih" (Black Magic) Make George Bush & Osama Bin Ladin Intimately Having Breakfast Together?

I used to work in Jakarta in 1998. In the newspaper that I read those days there were so many advertisements promoting this super natural powers to resolve any problems, whether it is to win the heart of your girl friend ("Ilmu Pengasih"), to make your business performs better ("Ilmu Pelaris") or even to make you not being injured from any weapon ("Ilmu Kebal"). For this group of people there is no no need to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" book written by Dale Carnegie. For them, everything can be resolved just by using the service of this black magician or 'pawang'

They claim their super natural ability can do everything and can do wonders. They maybe can claim that their super natural
power can make George Bush and Osama Bin Ladin intimately having breakfast together at Kabul Hilton Hotel while smiling and patting each other like a romantic gay couple who has not made love for 6 long months!

Black Magician 'Pawang" So Good? Why Indonesia Not World Cup Champion?

For me it's simple, if pawang (black magician) is so powerful why on earth Indonesia has never won any World Cup football tournament. Not even once. Why? If this black magic really works well we should have at least Indonesia qualified to compete in the final round of FIFA World Cup, if not win it. The fact remains they have never qualified, let alone win the World Cup.

What about the claim that if you are a goal keeper, you can use black
magic to ensure that nobody can score a goal passing through you? I heard about this claim even when I was competing in my primary school football competition. Again, if this black magician or 'Pawang' can do wonders why we have not seen any imported Indonesian goal keeper plays in English Premier League and saved a very clear cut sure-goal kick from Fernando Torres or Christiano Ronaldo?

(Photo: The Great Save by Gordon Banks)

It was Gordon Banks, the English Goal Keeper And not "Guntur Bagong", an Indonesian Goalie That Made That Great Save!

Do you remember in Mexico 1970 World Cup when Jairzinho delivered an inviting cross from the right wing which bypassed the English centre halves? And then out of nowhere Pele, the King of Football rose majestically in the air. Everybody saw Gordon Banks seemed to be beaten as he scampered despairingly across his goal post. Although Pele's header was perfect, Banks somehow managed to tip the ball over the crossbar. That made the crowd were simply stunned by that great save.

Mind you, the name of that great goalkeeper was Gordon Banks. If the black magic from the Indonesian 'pawang' is very powerful, why not the
name of the goalkeeper say "Guntur Bagong" instead of Gordon Banks?, or Budianto, Prabowo or Joko Sembung?

Photo: Renee Zellweger & Tom Cruise in My Favourite Movie "Jerry Maguire"

Black Magician 'Pawang" So Good? Why No 'Pawang" Manage To Marry Renee Zellweger?

I also saw a lot of advertisements in Indonesian newspapers last time claiming that the medicine man or black magician can make the small thing that they call 'tangkal' that you can keep to make any lady that you dream to be your wife falls in love instantaneusly with you the moment you use that thing ("Ilmu Pengasih"). My question is: "Really?" If that's correct why on earth those who married Renee Zelweger, Madonna, Kate Winslet or Celine Dion are not the Indonesian 'Pawang' or 'Black Magician' by the name of "Pawang Sutikno" or "Pawang Adibochankrotipuwolonggo"? Surely these pawangs or black magicians also want to marry these beautiful celebrities if they have their way, right?

Shivering As If They Are Seeing Ghost & 'Pontianak' In The Weekly 'Keliwon' TV3 Series

In my 3rd of June blog-posting entitled:"Balls In The Name Of Democracy' I wrote that the mere mention of the word 'Election' will make BN leaders shivering.

In
the fourth paragraph of that posting I wrote:

"On the other hand, BN Wakil Rakyats (MP or State Assemblymen) are extremely afraid to go back to the Rakyat (people) for any fresh election.
The mere mention of the word 'election' will make them shivering as if they are seeing 'ghost' and 'pontianak' in the weekly 'Keliwon' drama in TV3. Look at Zambry, the fake MB of Perak and his fake exco team. They struggle and fight tooth and nail against the dissolution of the Perak Assembly in order not to be dragged to see their 'Boss' (the Rakyat or Voters) by having a fresh election in Perak"

(Photo: Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek-The Batu Pahat Casanova)

Chua Soi Lek, "Batu Pahat Casanova of the Year"


Actually I must confess that I was wrong. Not all BN leaders are afraid if I mention the word 'election' to start my conversation with them. At least there is one BN leader who will be excited if I loudly say from afar that I want to have a cup of tea and talk about 'election' with him. And that brave and macho BN leader is none other than our "Sex Taiko" cum "Batu Pahat Casanova of the Year", the flamboyant Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek.

(For the benefit of my non-Malaysian blog readers this Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek was the former Malaysian Health Minister who has to resign in disgrace because a DVD showing he committed adultry in a hotel room with a woman who is not his wife, has been circulated by his political enemy in his MCA party, a component party in the present day BN government which has ruled Malaysia for more than 50 years)

I can visualize something like this: "Hello Datuk Seri, can we have a cup of tea nearby. I want to talk about 'Election' and I need your comment too".

He may answer like this: "Sure..., sure...Khairul. Why not? Come come let's talk about it. Syok what talk about that matter. No problem. We are friends maaa"


Don't you hear that? This "Batu Pahat Casanova of the Year" even said "Syok to talk about the matter"! Walawei...this Chua Soi Lek is surely a very 'gedebeh' and brave BN politician because during this particular time of our country political turbulance, even our PM Najib Bin Razak (he is NOT the son of Razak Baginda) is so scared to mention the word 'election' especially in Perak.

Dirty-Minded Old Romeo!

However, I found out later that this old Romeo, Datuk Chua Soik Lek is actually excited not because he does not fear to have a fresh election now at the time when the opposition party is very strong, but actually because he heard me wrongly. He thought I want to talk with him about 'erection', not 'election'! Haiyah! Wasting time only. Dirty-minded old man!!!

Jumpa Lagi, Ma'as salaama, Salam, Permisi, Khoda Hafez, Pamitan, Bye For Now..

(By right this week posting I plan to talk about my story regarding my meeting with another exemplary and admirable Malaysian who has been all this while through his excellent services spreading the good name of Malaysia by working with the 'United Nations Office for Project Services' (UNOPS) in Timor Leste, Cambodia and now in Darfur. However, since I unexpectedly got an appointment to meet His Excellency Ambassador, I decided to write about the above topics first this week, and about this United Nations man next week)

22 comments:

  1. My friend, Khairul. Good day mate. Its sheer genius! Fantastic story. Consider me your lifelong blog fan. Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Khairul...

    Creative, funnny, and touching too (when read about your mother at the buffet)

    You are the man....

    Take Care- Just Your friend

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aku Budak MinangJuly 12, 2009 at 1:40 PM

    bro khairul..., baca engkau punya blog bukan saja aku ketawa tapi aku hampir menitis airmata bila berkenaan buffet tu, aku teringat arwah mak aku...

    Thank you brother for your very good writing

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eagerly my eyes go through the words, reading your blog each week, impressive by all the details.
    I would like to use this opportunity to commend the energy, creativity and imagination that you have been showing in your blog, and if you would have been an author I would be the first person to read your books and articles.
    Please keep going
    May God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Salam tuan....

    I can't remember when is the first time we meet, but for sure masa tu I masih lagi merangkak dlm business. I know that you earn very good income during CCH time. Care to share masa you dengan company jual software yang you ckp owner dia ada iras dgn I? :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear En. 'Zamzuri', yes sir I remember I told you that you are 'iras' or very much looks like the owner of Brasstax Software, my friend Trevor Keegan (012-6963342).

    Keegan is a very talented and smart New Zealander software developer with a sexy-semi bald head. If my memory serves me right you have got beard too similar like Keegan. So, both Keegan and you have a thick beard, but obviously your beard is a 'sunnah' beard which is better and Keegan's beard is sex-appeal beard. Quality people like you (co-incidentally come from 'Big Four' accountant firm) surely now doing very well in your own business or practice. I am proud to know you read my blog, sir. Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Mr "Abdul Jalil', I am humbled by your compliment. Thank you. It will motivate me to write better, sir.

    As a matter of fact, I am now slowly but surely in the process of writing my own book which I give the title "From Malaysia to Manchester: A story of Promoting Malaysia in J.W.W Birch Country". This is my story regarding my struggle and my endless effort (with my other partners) trying very hard establishing a business from scratch in the UK.

    Due to my busy schedule, I do not know when will the book finally ready to be printed but all the 'flesh' and 'ingredients' are nicely there and ready, it just need me to be the 'cook'. Its for sure. InsyaAllah.

    When it is completed I will courier to your address free of charge as a token of our brotherhood relationship. Take care. Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear 'Aku Budak Minang', it is good to know that my blog writing makes you remember your beloved mother. Remembering our beloved mother is one million time better than visualizing the nude body of Manohara Odelia Pinot, the controversial wife of Tengku Temenggong Kelantan. Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Anonymous ('Just Your Friend'), thank you for reading my blog. Thank you for your comment

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear 'Michael KL', I may not know who you are but people like you indeed has inspired me to do better. I am also touched when you wrote in your comment "Consider me your lifelong blog fan". Thank you brother Michael. Take care. Thank you for your comment

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm seriously thinking of quitting of current business. Hopefully i'll win the court case on 15 July 09 and i'll get my fees which is enough for me to start a new business which is non related to accounting, auditing and taxation. Life is so difficult nowdays....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear En 'Zamzuri', 15th July is just another 2 more days. Obviously I (and all of us who read this blog) wish and want you to win that court case. Why? because we are fully aware we are not the other party that you are suing and there is no reason for us not to be happy if you win your case, sir. We're absolutely thrilled if we know any of our blog readers has won a lot of money either through competition or court case, as long as not gambling such as Magnum four digit numbers.

    I am very eager and excited to know your coming 15th July 2009 court case result. Hopefully this 15th July (Wed) we will have two good news: First, Islamic Party won in Manik Urai By-Election. Second, Mr Zamzuri won the Court Case.

    Yes, you are right sir. Not necessarily if you are a chartered accountant, you must always in accounting, auditing and taxation line. Tun Daim is a lawyer by profession but his bank in Africa won "African Bank of the Year". If I am not mistaken, Tan Sri Hassan Merican comes from accountancy background and not from petroleum engineering , but he managed to lead Petronas, a petroleum giant company to be the only Malaysian company listed in Fortunate 500 (or Fortune 100, I'm not sure) company.

    Yes! Go for it. Do what you LOVE to do, NOT what the DEGREE asks you to do, sir. A quality man like you surely (InsyaAllah) will be successful in whatever venture you do. Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Khairul, mengingat kenangan silam, jatuh bangunnya sesuatu empayar perniagaan adalah cerita pilu dan sedih, namun pengalaman pengalaman dari pelbagai asam kehidupan mematangkan tindakan dan membinanya semula. Bak kata perpatah orang orang utara ni, "Berniaga ni ibarat macam kayuh gerek(BASIKAL), JANGAN BERHENTI KAYUH, bila berhenti tumbang."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Alhamdulillah, PAS menang dengan majoriti 65 undi. Ingat nak pegi ke Manik Urai, tapi balik drp S'pore hari ahad, terus demam...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dear En "Zamzuri", Yes! Alhamdulillah. Islamic Party has won the Manek Urai By-Election.

    Whether a person has died because of cancer, or car accident or fighting or the street, or drown at Irama Beach Bachok, he is still considered as a dead man, no matter what is the cause of his death.

    So no matter whether you won with a majority of 65 votes or 650 votes or even 6.5 votes, a win is still a win. It does not mean if you won with majority of 65,000 votes you will have a seat or chair made from gold in Parliament or those who won with 65 votes majority you will get a chair or seat made from old forest wood!

    I am of the opinion, there is no such thing as government money, all are taxpayers' money. The rakyat or the people is the "Shareholders" because they pay tax that later been used for development etc, while the government of the day is just the 'Manager' only. So how come the "Manager" (government) can threaten the "Shareholder" (the voters or people)that unless they vote for the Federal government of the day (BN), they will not get a new bridge. It is fundamentally very wrong for Muhyiddin Yassin to promise that Manek Urai voters will only get the new bridge if BN wins this by-election.

    Get well soon. Just buy very hot Gear Box Soup at Selising and drink hot tea, you fever Insya Allah will be gone because you will be sweating like in a sauna. Thank you for your comment

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear En 'Hishamudin', I am afraid that I have to disagree with you this time. You said "Doing business is like cycling a bicycle. We cannot stop. The moment we stop cycling, we will drop to the ground".

    My question is how can you ask us to continue cycling? Not possible sir, because sometimes we have to stop cycling and run into the house. Come on sir...the reality of life is we need to go to toilet and we also need to make love too. Maybe we can drink and eat while cycling, but we certainly cannot make love while cycling, can we?".

    No...No...No..we certainly can't because we are not 'Beruk Mek Yeh' or monkey who simply can make love on the bicycle or on the tree. It is not 'sunnah' to make love like them. "Tak Elok Tu". Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Tg Ahmad Saifullizan & Ors vs Zamzuri b Mamat (Liquidator), Fatimah Zaharah Sdn Bhd & Ors, High court will decide on 19 Aug 2009.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear En 'Zamzuri', Well...that's why I used to say in Malaysia I trust Court Mammoth, the furniture giant more than our Court of Law. Not too long ago the Court of Appeal demonstrated its super-duper efficiency by setting side the earlier decision made by High Court in an unprecedented speed of more or less within 24 hours only.

    Here we are having your case postponed again to 19th August. In theory and in the eyes of law, a true honest people like you should also be accorded the same efficiency with that false MB Zambry Kadir. However the reality proves otherwise.

    However, i take comfort with the fact that you did not loose the case, just the decision is postponed. In other words, you still have the chance to 'marry the lady', only the 'marriage day and the first night' is postponed!. Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Kata ibarat orang utara ni boleh dipertikaikan, especially by our learned lawyer, tak masuk akal, namun saya tidak bermaksud sebegitu yang Khairul maksudkan, bisness yang kita expert perlu diteruskan untuk survival hingga generasi mendatang, tapi bisness tu mestilah yang berkaitan dengan kepakaran, bak kata kekawan yang mencari dan terus mencari, "tukang batu always a tukang batu" jangan fikir nak jadi "tukang paip without training", bocor habis jadinya.

    ReplyDelete
  20. hahahaha...i like ur writing about expensive underwear. By the way at my kampung, Parit Jawa, there is no more 50 cent underwear, the one from China cost around RM8-12...hahahaha

    Dr Mutalib

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear 'AlixmeOne' (Dr Mutalib), my apology Doc for my outdated knowledge about Parit Jawa. The correct 'Parit' should be "Parit Yaani". Too many 'Parit' in Johor same like 'Avenue' in USA. Last time (not present day) the underwear used to be only 50 sen during their 'Pasar Selasa' in Parit Yaani.

    And the fact that the price was 50 sen does not mean it is not comfortable or made from jungle leaves. It is still made from cotton. Who knows one of the Chinese Towkay in Yong Peng all this while has been wearing this 50 sen underwear; only God, his wife and himself know, because he does not wear it outside like Superman. Even Wak Suparman Bin Keliwon from Parit Jayos will never wear underwear outside his pants like Superman!! Thank you for your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear En 'Hishamudin', hehehe, I was just pulling your leg, sir.

    By the way, you are right to say "Tukang Batu always a Tukang Batu". They can never be a plumber. Surely a disaster waiting to happen if they do.

    The same way a night club bouncer with a body weight of 180kg should never be a ballet dancer! Thank you for your comment

    ReplyDelete

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You
Thank You
Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Th Thank You
BEAUTIFUL SONG DEDICATED TO MY BELOVED WIFE
hank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You T